2014.

New Years.

Montreal. 

Going to be interesting. 

I love holidays. 

Plus, I'm a natural skier. Doesn't hurt that my boyfriend was on the US ski team. 

Christmas.

Arguably the worst day of the year past the age of 12.

Round 2.

This is a little déjà vu.

Without power... Again. Just like the summer, but this time it's cold. 

Up to 3 days? 

May be an interesting Christmas. 

One more day of work then holidays!!

Happy as a clam. 

❤️

Content.

Zeds dead or Tommy Trash tomorrow.

Decisions, decisions.

Charley.

So tonight I had the worst muscle spasm (charley horse) in my thigh I've ever had. It was frustratingly painful and I sat on the floor for an hour. 

Luckily I have a good friend who brought me pizza, wine, muscle relaxants and a heating pack and now I'm feeling pretty damn good. 

I have a feeling I'm going to sleep well tonight. I also get to sleep in tomorrow which is always an added bonus. 

3. 

Getting close!

Friday the 13th... Anything can happen. 

Boom.

Sons of Anarchy.

Epic.

Blew my mind...

Figuratively and literally? Ha.

<rant>.

Today has been a weird day. I've been going 120km/h, so to speak. I can't stop, I've been all smiles and joking, talking non stop. I'm getting sick of it myself. 

I haven't slept very well in, oh, 3 months, and I'm trying to exhaust myself to sleep. And even still I can't slow down my brain. 

It's all excitement up here (points to head). It may have to do with my visitor coming this weekend and only have 4 more days of work to get through. 

No, I haven't even had coffee or any type of caffeine. I had a couple glasses of wine which usually helps me sleep. And I'm writing this wondering what is wrong with me. 

I'm going to try and sleep now. 

I'm also dehydrated so you think I would be tired. 

Gah oh well. 

5.

Bicycle.

I know I've changed... Become a better person. 

It's just hard when people can push your buttons and attempt to bring you backwards. 

I resist.

It still makes me feel weak in a different way. 

Eleven.

Today is a day of remembrance, but also a day of perspective that life goes on.  I have never felt more at peace on this anniversary than on this day, this year.  

Eleven years have passed and the memories will be engrained in my mind forever. Few can understand and capture this feeling, however the people in my life have been nothing short of wonderful and supportive. 

Maybe this holiday will truly change my outlook on this time of the year. 

It just takes one person. Or in my case, one special person and a lot of amazing friends. ❤️

13.

Booked!

Winter holiday is officially booked. Not sure how I feel about this yet.
I think I'm more excited than freaked out, but it's too early to tell.
Maybe this will help me become a (more inclined) winter person.

It's going to be an expensive few months!
Work hard (ish), play harder. It also doesn't hurt that someone else is picking up the tab.

20.

Pretty solid playlist for driving. 

Knows what I like. Made just for me from someone special.

Getting closer. 

20.

My new bed is f****** amazing. I literally have to jump up, it's so high. Madi can hardly get up. Went and bought brand new sheets today too. Feeling like bedtime will be an even more enjoyable experience. My cute little virgin bed. 

Up next... New winter coat.

I'm realizing that Canada Goose jackets are completely overrated and overpriced. Excited for Black Friday. Shopping purposes only, of course.

Soulmate.

One of the many perks about having an animal is that they are happy to see you anytime you come home. Even at 5am.

There is no argument or anything!

Just purring and cuddles.

Soulmate. 

Weird evening.

Numero Quatro.

Thought out my next tattoo.
Just a matter of where to put it. I would like to put it somewhere unique like my last one.

Today was a day of new ideas. It's been a good day.
Dreaming is so inspirational.

Good Day.

That time of the year again! 

Buying tickets for the nutcracker . One month away. Very excited. 

Countdown for other fun events:

25.

Sometimes all you need is a little perspective. 

New!

It's always wonderful to fall onto my bed after a long day.

In a week I'll be falling onto my new bed! 

So long overdue. Out with the old, and in with the new. Mattress shopping was fun :)

Bought the hardest mattress in the store, could be taken as a sexual reference, and could be true as well.   

Maybe it will help my back problems.. They are getting worse. Going to stretch and go to sleep. My weekend starts now! 

Evolving.

Sometimes I surprise myself. 

I thought about it today about how consistent my life is, but how I am personally evolving without realizing it. There are many stressors that don't exist anymore, and I'm content living in my reality. Sure, if I want to be a pessimist, I could say that things *could* be better, grant you. But considering I am not a true pessimist, I see that I am maturing and can awknowledge that things *are* pretty great. 

Unfortunately, this isn't coming out as clearly as it did when I realized it. 

I guess I'm just trying to say that I'm maturing enough to appreciate what I have, and that things can be imperfectly perfect if I let them fall into place. Also, that I don't need inconsistencies all the time to get by (depending on the situation) and I'm okay trusting people that I know, feel and believe, love me. 

There's a significant difference between being with someone that's *in love* with you, and being with someone who claims they *love* you. I think once you have been with both, it's hard to be with the latter. In my evolution of life and love, I am realizing that I definitely deserve this and won't be caught accepting anything less.

This is a very rewarding feeling. 

The walls I have put up for so long are slowly breaking down, and I consider myself lucky. 

Maybe this winter will be different than all the rest, and I will be the grinch no-more.

Cheering Up.

Every now and then, I get lonely or sad. But I just use the good ol' internet to find things that make me happy.

Like this cat with eyebrows.

Or this elephant playing soccer (my new computer background).

If this doesn't work, I look through some of my most favourite moments of my life, and start to plan my next trip.

Thinking... short warm holiday in January/February. Then a longer trip in the spring... THEN Europe in the summer.

Reminiscing.

Those days when you want to go back.
That view.
That person.
That moment.


Alas, I now eat like an American.

The Rainbow.

Unfortunately, my mom rarely visits my dreams. It's only once in a while, but it's like we are together again. 

This time, her sight was starting to get really bad but wanted to take me for a drive in Calgary. The weather was rainy and not very nice. 

All of a sudden, we are near our old house in Mount Royal and I yell at her to stop the car. She pulls over and I run around the side to get her. She hits my car door on the sidewalk but I don't care. I hurry her along, she can't walk very fast. I tell her to look up and we are standing at the end of a rainbow.  It is so bright, so magical, and we just stand there together and watch in silence. Other people start to flock towards it too, but we were there first. It starts to fade as I try to take a photo, but can't capture the moment. The rainbow is gone. 

How ironic.

Life is strange and unfair sometimes.

Sherlock.

You know you have an addictive personality when you cancel your plans all weekend to sit at home and watch Sherlock. If you want to get lost in a show that is intelligent and multi-faceted, then this is the show to watch.
Plus, Benedict is beautiful. This guy is worth $245Milion at the age of 37. Must be doing something right.

Admiration.

Tonight was difficult. I had to say goodbye to one of the most cherished people in my life. Someone who has been the most wonderful boyfriend and then later, friend that I've ever had. The only person that has made me truly believe that I am as amazing as they tell me, and only person that has made me feel that I could accomplish anything I set my mind to. I'm so happy for him, but so selfishly sad at the same time. I may have blown a speaker in my car, dishing out all my emotions into singing. This isn't the first person I have had to say goodbye to this week, and I only got back 2 days ago. However, there are some people that I have said goodbye to that I can live without, and some that I can't. I think this means a lot when I can say these things after knowing someone for almost 4 years. One of the most important influences on my life, and one of the very few people I trust with my life (even though, I am one of the reasons why he's leaving).
I try to be like you, because you, are amazing. Don't ever forget that.
I love you.
Maybe one day I will follow in your large footsteps across the country.
I'll continue looking up at you with admiration.




This just reinforces ...
WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?
Even though everything in my life is moving forward.

Stay - Rihanna Branchez Remix. Fucking amazing.

One of the wonderful perks of not having a roommate for months is that I can get lost in music and dance like a baboon without a care in the world.

❤️ so much loveness.

I have some very special people in my life. This is what I came home to after 9 days. 

What an adventure.. Write more later. 

Ready for sleep in my own bed with the cutest cat on earth. Today has been filled with a lot of love. 

Resume.

I've been working on my resume on my holiday, and I think that I really just need to delete everything I have done, and write one thing:

Maker of Bad Decisions. 

Too bad I don't have a personal life resume because then it would be:

Maker of Bad Decisions!!! 

With a few extra underlines and maybe circled a couple times. 

My gut is usually right.

And right now I'm feeling sick.

Hmm.

It's funny what happens when you either choose to follow your gut, or you don't. 

It's nice to feel like a princess again. It's been a very long time. 

1.5

My allocated weekly frustration is brimming. Surprisingly, I took out this frustration on my apartment, so it's quite tidy. I suppose there are worse things. 

I'm finally starting to look forward to my trip because I think I need a holiday. I am a little high strung and don't know what to do with my pent up aggression. Well, I do know what to do but need to wait a couple more days. 

Only one more day of work. 

My new haircut is growing on me (punny) since I hated it yesterday. You'd think that after spending $65 on a haircut at a nice place, you'd get exactly what you want. But no. 

I know I need a holiday when I start worrying about the small stuff. 

Just one more day, then away for ten. Need to focus on this... 

Oh boy, can't breathe... So much dust. 

Note to self: clean apartment more regularly, coughing and sneezing fits are not fun. 

Counting Down.

Went to see Don Jon tonight and thoroughly enjoyed it. Obviously, there are a few minor flaws in the storyline, but overall it was very well done. Every time I put on my computer, I'll think of sex. As if I need another excuse. 

Watching it on a Tuesday... A little ironic? Motivating? 

4. 

Finally some excitement I've been waiting for... Patiently, I may add. 

So many things to do before I go... The storm before the calm starts tomorrow. 

Thanksgiving.

Today is a day to be thankful. 

Things I'm lucky to have: 

New and old friendships 

(A few) amazing family members 

My job

My apartment and my material things

Music that makes me laugh, cry or sing to on repeat

Precious Madi

Being able to sleep in everyday 

Taking off as much time work as i would like 

Ability to be creative 

Strong immune system (minus last week)

Full use of all my senses and movement

Doing what I want when I want to

Conversation skills (not to be confused with communication skills)

Ability to laugh and have a good time

Strength to be self motivated and not knocked down by others that hurt me

My sex drive 

My "foodie" abilities 

Sound of the water

Rocks being flat so I can skip them

Makeup for ugly days

Spontaneous people, or ones that surprise me

Okay , I could go on but I'm tired. It's been a tiring weekend trying to get back to normal. It was a perfect fall day.. Very metaphoric, I think. Life just keeps getting better. *knock on wood*.

The Next Day...

I feel that I was hit by a truck.... To the face. I haven't felt this shitty in a while, and can't get out of bed. 

Sick cuddles are probably the best but I don't want to pass it on to anyone else. I really hope I feel better this weekend. I do love thanksgiving. (Sarcasm). 

Going back to sleep... Need some meds but can't get up. Ugh. Stuffed tissue up my nose to stop the running... Feeling super sexy right now.

Need... Benedryl... Badly.

Drunk and Happy.

Wow. Just wow. I'm so blown away. It's amazing how things can change in a weeks time. 

Going to sleep with my heart a little fuller and a smile on my face. So adorable. 

I really can't deal right now. 

I claim to hate surprises, but I love when someone truly surprises me. Makes me so happy.

The difference between yesterday's surprise that left me feeling a little uncertain and sick to my stomach, and today's simplicity of doing a nice thing was monumental. I know I'm making the right decision. 

My friend asked me last week how I attract such wonderful men in my life, and that was a really great question that made me think. I have been blessed with many people that have come and gone (or stayed) in my life and, I probably have a better record than most. I hope they can say the same thing about me. 

I was told recently to follow my heart, wherever that leads, and I think I'm about to. I haven't gotten these butterflies in years, and I think that's a very good sign.

Burrr.

Definitely am a little grumpy from the chill I've had for 3 hours. Curling up in bed alone doesn't exactly help. I need some good ol' body warmth to get my temperature up. It never used to take that long. 

It's not even Tuesday 😢. 

I miss my perfect lover. 

Pooped.

Well my low key weekend definitely turned into a not so low key weekend. And again, I am sleep deprived and hungover for both Saturday and Sunday. 

Went to Yuk Yuks on Friday for the first time since August, and then chilled in this random gem of an area in Toronto I didn't know existed. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't keep a conversation with someone. With most people, it comes easy and I'm so thankful for that. Passed out on my couch and didn't even make it to my bed since I was so drunk and tired by 4am. 

Saturday went and crashed a wedding... Not for the first time. Open bar, uh yup. Thanks random people for getting married and supplying me with as much booze I could handle. I stole a centrepiece as well which I'll use for flowers. Stopped by the grocery store and spent the only money I did all night buying supplies for nachos and eating them like I was never going to eat again. Delicious. Never even made it downtown for Nuit Blanche, but I had a solid night without it. Always next year.

Now I'm going to curl up on my couch for hours and watch movies. World War Z is on the list for sure. That is what Sundays are made for. Maybe I'll get a pizza... Yum. Delivery... Definitely. 

Space.

So it's official , I'm never becoming an astronaut. Not that it was incredibly high on my list of priorities, but after seeing Gravity, I've ruled it out completely. 

Looking forward to a low key weekend of comedy shows and Nuit Blanche. Missed out last year and it may actually be warm enough to walk around. 

15. 

Can't come soon enough. You know it's getting bad when you go up to your male colleagues and ask them for a man hug. Yeesh.

New Girl.

Best quote of the day :

I could get a chair in a table store!! 

Great show. 

If you're not obsessed, get on that. 

M&M good.

This past weekend was the best/scariest/craziest/fun/sleep deprived weekend I have had since university, or maybe ever. I've been trying to think of a time that comes close to what I experienced, but I am drawing a blank.

A close friend told me recently that I've changed. Changed for better or for worse, I'm not sure yet. However, I'm starting to realize that it's probably true. I've come into a phase where I just want to have a good time and live in love. I've been doing some stuff that I would never have thought I would do, and absolutely loving it. For example, I had my first near death experience this weekend. It lasted 2 minutes, and was the scariest experience of my life. However, when it was all said and done, I was glad it happened. A little perspective never hurt anyone... (this isn't true, I thought I was going to die). BUT I came out in one piece and continued to enjoy myself until 6am. My recovery from this weekend has gone into day 2, and last night, I had the best sleep I've had in a very, very long time. This is probably a result of my body and mind in complete exhaustion.

After seeing photos from the last couple months, I'm amazed. My life has changed, but only socially. Being myself comes naturally around people, I'm not worried about whether they like me anymore. I have more girl friends than guy friends, and have fallen for a guy who calls me out on my shit and enjoys the same lifestyle that I have. I'm learning to trust people because I put myself in situations that I couldn't handle alone. I take care of people and they take care of me. I have no problem telling people that I love them, I am super playful at work, and actually hug people. There are still times when I need a good cry, but not from being sad (unless I have a moment of weakness, but this is becoming less and less frequent - like never). It's just from actually being able to express my emotions with people, and sharing things I've been ashamed of before. I am finally comfortable with my life and what it means. I have no idea how long this phase is going to last, but I walk around with a smile on my face 95% of the time. The other 5% makes me sad and is from watching Greys or the finale of Breaking Bad or Dexter.

I'm just glad that I haven't settled for a life that I "should" have. I have a life that most people couldn't handle, and until recently, I didn't think I was one of those people either. Life has lead me away from the thought that a intimate relationship is all I need in life. I have been happy without intimacy for the first time in my life, and couldn't live without my friends. I enjoy company, but also thoroughly enjoy spending time alone with my cat.

I guess I am just revelling in my single life with my single friends, not just getting laid because I "need" the intimacy. I have been the most honest I have ever been with people around me, and the most loyal.

I have always told people that sometimes you just need to expect the unexpected and roll with the punches. Everything is on its way up, and I couldn't be happier.
This time last year I quit my job because I needed a change. To some, I went backwards in my career path. But overall, I have come out on top and am finally moving forward. Once you get rid of all the people in your life that bring you down, and only surround yourself with people that motivate you, respect you and love you, this is when you can be whoever you are meant to be, and make whatever you want happen.

Life is fucking wonderful.
Only 19 days until my holiday.

Being an adrenaline junkie may be the death of me but I'm ready for the next adventure.

Friday

This just went from fucked to fucked up. 

I loved Fridays. 

About to get down and dirty. 

Yup.

Yup, went out of my way to sabotage something good.

Well done Katy.... Same dance different partner. 

Running.

I have written on at least one occasion about signs. 

The last couple days have been enlightening. I guess that comes with the territory of cutting yourself off from the world and staying in a log cabin in the woods alone. A few people were .. Surprised? I guess that I was doing it. I think they may have been slightly intimidated by my independence or jealous that I take off and do what I want when I want to. 

It was a little strange for me, I had never done that before. But it was nice relaxing and writing without the distractions of the city. 

I had a rough sleep after a rough conversation. It's refreshing when someone calls me out on my thoughts since they are so jumbled sometimes, however it still makes me uneasy. 

I woke up today and needed some fresh air. I made some tea, chatted with a neighbour and sat by the water for a little while. It didn't take long before I started to skip rocks, since they were everywhere. I picked up a perfectly flat rock and did a double take. 

I have only found a few heart shaped rocks in my lifetime. I have given two to two people I thought I cared about. But they were imperfect in their shape, which makes sense why the relationships didn't work out and why they were the more unhealthy relationships I've been in.

This time, I have it saved for someone special. The timing is a little ironic, but it's almost perfect. It's funny when the exact thing I need is staring me in the face, and I am running in the opposite direction. By next week I should figure out whether I'm willing to go the distance or to fuck it up because I'm scared or unsure. 

All signs point to one thing. 

Another sign... Got a speeding ticket on my way home for going 35km/h over the limit. My "lucky" number. Maybe it's a sign to slow down a bit. 

This time he let me off easy, dropped it to 15km/h over with no points. 

Oops. Didn't care this time. Guess I knew I deserved it. 

It's been a great weekend. 😐

Guu.

Oh boy.

That was fun. 

Guu Restaurant.

Try it. 

Worth the hour wait. 

Eat jellyfish. 

Sometimes I think everyone should have my life. It's pretty great. 

So tired... Could sleep forever.. 

Just have to get through work tomorrow, and then up north for a few days of writing and absolutely no distractions. 

* can't wait * 

At least I don't feel as rough as last Friday!! That was brutal. Sometimes hanging out with certain people make you want to hang out with other people even more. 

I hate that.   

Could totally go for a late night cuddle. Even if it makes me late for work. 

*happy*

Oh fuck.

Flights booked!! One month.

Counting down the days to vacation. 

*so excited*

Why is my room soooooo cold? Gah!! Did have my first solid sleep in a long time last night. 

September .

My favorite part about September, well maybe second after the changing of the leaves, is the tv shows back on. 

Breaking bad - epic

New girl - glad to be back 

Sons of Anarchy - so great 

More to come. Excited. 

Cold and Irritated.

I'm realizing arguments with someone you're in a relationship with, and someone you're not in a relationship with are one in the same. They both leave you feeling pretty shitty. If there are no compromises made and things are circular, then I would prefer to not speak at all. 

This is good practice though so I don't do the same mistakes again. Taking a deep breath, cuddling with my kitty and going to sleep. 

I will feel better tomorrow. 

Side note: they better put the heat on in my apartment soon or I will have to hire a permanent cuddle furnace so I don't get pneumonia. I've heard they run pretty expensive. 

I want.

Soooo over the last couple months, I have fallen in love. It's a little ridiculous and hilarious, but he inspires me. 

I'm talking about Jody from the Amazing Race Canada. I am honestly incredibly butthurt that he has two children. 

Nonetheless his story truly is inspiring. 

If you want to know why, he's a fucking bad ass. 

Anyone who gets their legs blown off in war, runs 23000km in prothetic legs and wins second place in a contest is pretty sexy. 

A good quote from "The Croods" movie is "there is a difference between living and not dying". 

My weekend was very interesting.. I have definitely lost the filter I once had, and really don't think before I say or do things. 

Life is great. 

Drake. 

Interesting.

Come find me . 

Boredom.

Everyone handles their boredom in different ways - some eat, drink, play games, watch movies, jerk off.. The list goes on. 

For me, I still do all of the above things, but on this Thursday night, I dyed my hair. Nothing too crazy, just a more "fall" colour. Right now, it almost looks black but I know it will fade in the next couple days. I want to look nice for the weekend of sexy shenanigans. 

Last weekend included 4am TIFF parties with unlimited bottle service, still drunk at work and watching Deadmau5 live at Cabana. 

I have a feeling that this weekend will be round two for all of the above. Last weekend of Cabana, love that place. 

I just need to get one decent sleep. Just one. Unfortunately I feel like I haven't slept in weeks. I have no idea how you have come back into my thoughts. Didn't think that was going to happen, but it did. 

Good Ol' Days.

I forgot how miserable F***** C***** makes me. I've only been back for 3 days in the 3 months, and I want to kill myself. The job is sooo stressful, but boring at the same time.
Maybe because I get stuck with all of the bitch work and compliants. Oh, and no one does work according to the head office way (the way I do it) so I'm always confused on what to do and ask myself WHY THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE SO LAZY?

The only two perks of this job now are planning out my own trips for cheaper, and also to be able to hang out in my favorite areas.

Otherwise, I am literally counting down the minutes until 6:00pm.
46.
Stopping at LCBO and buying vodka.

Fall Shopping.

Sooooo, I have said this before, and I will say it again.
eBay is the devil, but so amazing at the same time.

I just bought 14 items of new fall clothing on eBay for $150.00
I've been waiting for these Lucky jeans that are sooooooo soft to go on sale for probably 5 months, and ALMOST bought them on their website today. HOWEVER, I went on eBay and found the exact same pair for $75.00 less. $75.00!!! That's a lot of money I could put towards other things... such as other items of clothing.
I totally did that.
Thank goodness for China for supplying super cheap and cute clothing and not charging shipping. I cant be sure if i got the sizing right though...

Finished all my fall shopping in an hour, and I only need some new leather boots and maybe a new leather jacket.
I'm impressed.

I may not like cool temperatures (today is a terrible example, ugh), but I do love fall clothing.

Going to sleep content, but feeling a little guilty that I used my credit card for the first time in a month. Sometimes you just gotta spoil yourself <--- be="" life="" motto.="" my="" p="" should="">Oh well.

Poof.

It's been a very entertaining weekend. I had a lot of fun with some old and new people. Back to the grind tomorrow, but I'm okay with that. I dont mind the distraction.

I was thinking..

Everyone has their literal age, but then there's your inner age. I'm starting to realize that my inner age is probably 2-3 years below my actual age. But I'm having more fun than when I was 2-3 years younger. At the time, I had the mentality that I wanted something stable, and now I have gone backwards - I don't want a relationship. I guess that happens once you get older, you try to get back time you may have wasted doing things you thought you wanted, but in retrospect, doing them for the wrong reasons. 

I have been told today that I "have a great life", twice. So I guess I'm doing something right, because I have no complaints. 

Tomorrow may be different, who knows. I flip on a dime. But for the past few days, I've been feeling pretty good. 

Going to sleep not worried about the future. 

Fuck me.

So tired.

Have to work in 6 hours.  

Fml.

Good night. Worst wingman.

Want to sleep for eternity... With cuddles from you. 

I mean, it could be worse . 

Disturbance.

Well that was a little fucked up.. 

I'll write more later. 

Story of my Life.

Sabotage.

I look at my wall and think I believe in it more than anything. 

But then I look at my actions of sabotage and wonder what the fuck is wrong with me? 

I guess I don't want to bring anyone down with me while I sink straight for the bottom. Even if I miss out on the possibility of being happy. 

Isn't that the whole point of all this? I have had days of happiness I have not had in a long time, and I legitimately pushed someone so far away from me on purpose. 

Someone once beat me with the idea that temporary fixes don't work, and maybe I'm realizing they were right. Especially when those temporary fixes think the world of you and you think the same. Might as well get rid of them before the crazy comes out... and become not so temporary. 

Talk about long weekend. I haven't been so excited to go back to work in... Ever. I need that healthy distraction now. 

Love - 0

Katy - 1

Best Card.

I love Write Impressions. It's hard to walk in without buying anything. 

This is a good reason why. Even the store name is clever. I miss this area. 

Still Smiling.

Who needs boys, when you gots hot bitches... And hotdogs. And sangria... And numerous flasks smuggled into games... And those flasks going into drinks at bars... And stumbling home feeling pretty alright. 

Yup, it's been a good night.

Who doesn't love BJs? 

Charlie.

Long night but just realized something I wanted to note.

I said in an older post that I looked forward to the day I lost count. Apparently this day has come and gone (not sure when), and I realized that today. 

I'm exhausted but also very happy for this. 

Who knows and who cares? 

Definitely going to sleep like a baby tonight... Minus the Charlie horse in my butt. What? That just happened. And yes, it's incredibly uncomfortable. I need a massage. 

Dizzy.

Not just from my 5km jog that made me almost faint on the sidewalk. 

Today is definitely one of my "I don't know what the fuck I'm doing" days. 

Yesterday I was calm and collected, not worried or concerned about the future. Last night, I was feeling confident and sexy driving way too fast on the highway, deafening myself to music with the windows down, and rocking leather pants and heels... and smiling.

Speed + heels = sexy. 

I was in control. 

Alas.

Today I am indecisive. Things are changing (or not changing) depending on how you look at it. That confidence I was feeling last night is now being shadowed by uncertainty and frustration. 

I just need to get through work tonight and then I will have a few days off to reflect and figure out what the fuck I am doing. 

Hopefully. 

I need a healthy distraction from the best distraction ever. 

The Head and the Heart.

Walking around in a daze. 

A permanent smile on my face. 

I'll always remember sitting at a street light in my car dancing together to music I will only ever associate with you. I was making fun of you, but then I joined in on the silliness. Being myself comes easily with you. 

My heart has been reminded of what it can feel with the right person, and be able to recognize when someone feels the same way. 

I've always been a romantic, and believer that things can work out if you want them to. 

I'm lost in my mind. I'll remember every moment we spent together, and hope we see each other again. 

Fantasy World.

I just looked at my bank balance. 

I am amazingly broke. I ask myself... how is it possible? 

Thennnnnn I look at photos from the past couple months and all of the activities I have done... And how little I have actually worked. 

Ah. It makes sense. 

Summer is the greatest. ❤ 

It was all fun until this weekend. Then everything changed... 

This past weekend was beautiful. It was surreal, romantic, encompassing - like a movie, but actually was real life. I'm not even going to write details because it does not feel like it truly happened. Feels more like a dream I want to keep to myself forever. Unfortunately it is all over now and back to real life. 

Life is so ironic and unexpected. 

Love is all around me. 

I feel beautiful. 

What just happened? 

Surreal, but so nice.

❤ I have had a lot of insight on my life and direction since I have been away. It is a beautiful thing. 

I mean, the plans have been in the works for the past couple of months and not many people know about them. I'm a little... Embarrassed (?) may not be the best word.. Hesitant. Yes, that's a more accurate description. Hesitant of sharing my goals because they are incredibly risky and new. I'm not the most confident person in these ideas yet. 

However, sharing them with people that I hardly know was exhilarating. Having the support of people I truly do not know says something to me. They do not know anything about me, but can tell how passionate I am about the idea to be understanding. I'm not sure how I surround myself with such wonderful people on the regular. Unfortunately, I'm not very good at expressing my gratitude. 

But yes, I have been waking up to different ideas and physically writing them down. My memory seems to be getting worse and don't want to lose any of my thoughts. 

Including this one... 

Today was a surreal day for me. Not many people can understand it, and I'm not sure if ill be able to accurately describe it.

But I will try.

I was sitting with my aunt by the water. We were chatting about my future goals and I was listening to insight about relationships. She asked me many tough questions, which I had an answer for each one, or left me thinking after. 

I was reading a romance novel, which I will give to her when I am finished. 

We walked along the shore and in the shallow water, stopping to put our feet in the natural baths the rock had formed centuries ago. 

I wish I had taken a photo. Not because of the surroundings, but for the moment. I am somewhere I have never been before but feel at home. I guess the right people make you feel that way. 

My aunt and I sat there for a while, in silence, in our own thoughts. However I was just thinking about her - how absolutely wonderful she is. Considering we didn't spend very much time together until a few years ago, we are close. She is the closest thing to a mother that I will ever know, and it's surreal and scary at the same time. It reminds me of a time before my mom was sick, and the time we spent together. I'm not sure how to tell her how wonderful she is because I'm sure I would cry the way I am now writing this. I don't like being that vulnerable. 

But it was a moment that lasted hours and I wouldn't have changed it for the world. She reminds me of what family means, what it means to be part of that family and also what it takes to be great friend. There are not many people that have done that in my life, and it is refreshing. 

They say it only takes one person to save your life, and without knowing it, she has saved mine. ❤

Counting Stars.

(Great song.)

Exhausted.

It's been a lovely and busy week. However I've hardly been working.

Life is wonderful. 

I'm sitting in bed, listening. I cannot hear anything but the sound of water. This is when I'm truly at peace. 

I've been struggling lately with the fine line between loneliness and peacefulness. But tonight I can really tell the difference. In the city, there are days I sit on my balcony and all I hear are cars. i partially feel that I'm content, however it gives me a sense of sadness. 

When I'm near the water, life is exactly the way it's supposed to be - simple, beautiful and peaceful. Makes me question why I'm so determined to stay in the city, and why living somewhere tranquil is so scary. 

Nevertheless, I love this moment and this life I've been living. 

Date #2 was on Friday night, and there definitely were a couple red flags raised. The last time red flags were raised at the beginning, well, we all know how that turned out. However,I'm trying not to be limited and naive, and give the benefit of the doubt. The day and night was truly memorable and romantic. 

It was the first time I had been to Niagara in a while, and it was a beautiful day. We walked along the falls, went to the casino, had drinks at a restaurant where we were so close to the falls we could feel the mist while we ate, saw a comedy show and walked some more. 

We made plans to spend more time together this week. Not sure what that means. I'm not very good at the whole dating thing, but okay just to see what happens. 

For a few days I'm running away from it all. I'm not in a familiar place, or with familiar people... And it's wonderful. I was drunk by 5pm, no one cares.

The big meteor shower is tonight, and I'm incredibly happy that I can watch it out of the city. Something about the stars is so relaxing and .. Hopeful.

I wonder what I will wish for tonight.... 

Date night.

Sooooo I went on a first date tonight. It's been a very long time. I forgot how awkward it can be, but how I love the awkwardness. Maybe it's because I'm generally pretty comfortable, or I'm getting my confidence back up, but I had a good time being myself. I feel like I haven't in so long. 

It's also nice conversing with someone for 4 hours not worried that they are bored. I forgot how great it is to have someone look at you and act completely interested, because they genuinely are. Everything about me is new to them.

I've been lucky with this lately... No douchebags. 

Why do people rush through the dating phase? It is so fun and so uncomplicated. 

I'm still exhausted from the weekend, but so glad to be home. 

Turning over a new leaf. 

On the restaurant wall.

Osheaga.

Where do I even start?
I guess with the fact I had an amazing time.

I was hesitant about staying the entire weekend, when I found out we were going to be staying in a residence, rather than a hotel. I didn't exactly want to go crazy all weekend. I figured I would stay for Friday, then possibly leave Saturday to go home and relax during my time off.
Needless to say, that didn't happen.

Where and when I saw the bands and artists have become a big blur, but there are definitely points that stuck out. The overall trip was an adventure.

I'm just going to write the highlights because I'm far too exhausted to go into details.

Friday -
Breakfast made for me
Running out of gas in the middle of a small town in Quebec (no one spoke English)
Being about 8 rows of people from Ellie Goulding
Soaked by the fire hose... three times
Dancing on picnic tables to The Cure
4 cabs, 2 hotels and 2 bars later... Popular with the French apparently.
Bathroom photos at 4am

Saturday -
Sleeping in
VIP tent with unlimited beer
Being about 8 rows back from Tegan & Sara
Being FRONT ROW for Imagine Dragons
Trying MDMA, 8 hours
Wired all night
Went to an electronic club
Walked around alone for a little while I came down
Listened to music in the room until 3am

Sunday -
Rough morning
Left early to see Atlas Genius
Bought a 2$ umbrella
Late to see Atlas Genius because Tim Hortons took 20 minutes to make a bagel
Chilled on the grass by myself to music... didn't move spots for 11 hours
Meet a guy from Vermont, chatting for 3 hours
Got caught in a crazy downpour, laughing at how amazing it was
Drinking a lot of beer
Shoulder rides at The Lumineers
Shoulder rides and dancing at Mumford & Sons
Relaxing on the hill until it cleared out
Stopping for greek food at 1am
Worst sleep ever.

Monday -
Check out
Spent the last of the $500 I brought at breakfast
Stuck in traffic.. over and over
7.5 hours to get home, hardly kept my eyes open
Friends in 5 car accident
Exhausted.
Exhausted.
Exhausted.

The coolest part about festivals is that you see the same people all the time, yet there are other people you never see at all. This is something I was very thankful for by the end of the weekend. I'm referring to one person who I was blessed with not running into or seeing the entire time. And the one person who I actually connected with that was able to find me over and over.
What a breath of fresh air. This is the happiest I've been in a long while. Who knew.

Very happy to be home, just me and my kitty cat.
Oh, and my bed.

Music.

It's amazing how music can bring out different emotions. It's even more amazing that different songs by the same artist or band can bring out these different emotions. To me, that is beautiful music. 

I listen to Demons by Imagine Dragons and get goosebumps and fight off tears every time I hear it. But as soon as the song switches to On Top of the World, I feel happy and high and want to dance. 

Lows to highs in a matter of seconds. 

Really cool. 

I'm also obsessed with Capital Cities who I'm stoked to see tomorrow. It's going to be good.

Road Tripppppp!

Last night someone close to me told me I looked the most stressed out I've been in a while. The truth is, I was. 

A couple days ago, I found out something that I thought may destroy my belief in love. It did, for one day. I almost got looped into the fact I may never let it go. However, by yesterday my upset turned to anger. I had planned something that would really hurt someone. But seeing that I don't want to do things that purposely hurt someone, I have decided that I'm not going to act on it.

So last night I had a great sleep. My anger has now turned to acceptance that I'm not going to waste another day of my life dwelling on something that was doomed from the start. I think I had good intentions and I was taken advantage of for a very long time. 

I'm not going to let it keep me negative and hurt. I'm wiping my hands clean that I've done everything I could, and walk away. 

I'm going to enjoy the single life, and just go back to where I was before this whole ordeal happened. I'm not going to say I regret wasting my time, but would I do it completely differently? Abso (fucking) lutely. 

Finally having the realization that I was retarded for so long, doesn't make me want to jump into anything for a long time. I'm not going to make the same mistakes again. Maybe if something "falls into my lap" (figuratively not literally,of course), I will probably run in the opposite direction. 

So I have a lot of driving ahead of me over the next couple days. It's going to be nice to know that you are not my problem anymore. 

It's funny how "love" can give you a sense of security, when in reality it has changed my perspective about what I want. I may have made some mistakes, but I finally see that I was not the selfish one for a long time. 

It's been a breath of fresh air. I'm very glad that this happened, even though it was found out the wrong way. I genuinely hope things work out for you. It doesn't make sense to be unhappy that you're happy. 

Going to be an interesting weekend. Have no idea what to expect and I'm okay with that. Sounds more like the way I used to be, and the way I want to be.

Lets go.

Ready.

I think it's time to move on. I guess some people do this quicker than others. 

Jumping in with two feet. 

Lets see what happens. 

Yes, no.

It's decided- I'm not doing anything tomorrow. 

Yes I will sleep in.

Yes I will hang out in pjs.

Yes I will station myself on my couch.

Yes I will fart and relax.

Yes I will probably have a nap.

No, I will not leave my house or do anything exciting. I need a day off to do absolutely nothing. 

It's going to be heavenly. 

Only three more days of work until mini holiday. I cannot wait. 

Going to sleep exhausted from this week, but happy and excited for the week to come. 

Don't worry, that was the last time. 

Phases.

I have an issue with attention. I seem to lose interest in people, places and things on the regular. I may be infatuated with an idea and pour my heart and soul into it, only to lose interest the next day. 

I realize that many people my age have this issue- we are all just floundering about. 

This is a paradox. The things I want to be interested in, I am not. And the things I want desperately not to be interested in, I am drawn to. However, once I get looped in, the novelty loses its value very soon after. 

I think this idea goes further than "wanting what you can't have". It applies to every situation. My attention span is just low for everything. Or maybe I am interested in the excitement, and once I see that it's gone, I'm gone. The new and exciting wears off faster than it should, and I'm ready for the next person, place or thing. 

I guess that's why love is such a confusing complex. How can someone that is so inconsistent about every decision, be so delusional that they are determined to make a relationship work? It just doesn't make sense! 

I guess it takes a special person, place for thing to stick. Such as certain people that are consistent and can talk to everyday or my cat, my apartment and my car. 

This was just a blob of random thought that has been perplexing me on my day off. I guess I just go through phases... Or maybe I'm so lost because love was the only thing that keep me from spinning out of control. Now that its gone,I just don't know what to do with myself. 

I need some consistency. I'm too indecisive to be on my own. 

I hate this about myself. 

Even this post is inconsistent and jumps all over the place... And it's about inconsistency. Ugh. 

Lover.

There are some days that I don't have any idea what I'm doing.  Today is one of them. I'm looking back on today's events and I'm not sure what came over me. I'm battling with how I want to act around people and what I am ready for. It is a constant game of ping pong in my head. 

Sometimes I come off as forward, and I reflect later and think what the hell was I doing and maybe it was disappointing. Then there are other times when I stand behind the line of comfort and then reflect later whether I missed an opportunity. Either way it's hard to compare.

Everything keeps leading me back to being a hermit and away from anything that makes me battle invertly, and to get my shit together first. 

Alas, I am a lover, not a fighter, and a good (horny) one at that. 

Finally, a day off. 

Count is up at 6, eek. I look forward to the day I lose track. 

Cabana.

What? Cabana Pool Bar?

Justin Biebs was there today? And Deadmau5?

Well so was I. No big whoop.

However I was there last week too.. 

Get with the times Biebs. You're a little late on the "new, amazing pool bar in Toronto" wagon.

I'm ready to go back.

Now.

Now now now.

2.

I don't even know if this is the right thing to do anymore. 

I second guess my actions on a daily basis... I have to start over every time. 

It will get easier. 

Just a Thought.

Where are all the men ?

Maybe it's because I work in a restaurant and I don't meet a lot of older people, but I'm seriously not sure where all the real men are. 

I'm tired of being around irresponsible and sappy boys. Where are the guys that can show me a good time without all the stupid drama?

Ugh.

I'm not that mature, but for goodness sakes, grow up a bit. 

It's annoying... And tacky.

Maybe I'll just go celibate until someone actually wants to take me on a date because they are genuinely interested. It would be a loss for me, but would save me a lot of stupid conversation and irritation.

Interesting Article.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2176281/Generation-refuse-grow-No-mortgage-No-marriage-No-children-No-career-plan-Like-30-somethings-Marianne-Power-admits-shes-.html

My fear is not fear like so many others, my fear is that I am one of them too.

Summer Shenanigans.

 I never thought I would look so forward to a Tuesday. It's been the definition of summer today. My three day vacation started off exactly how I wanted. Stayed random all day.

Trespassed into an old flooded mine that looked like a quarry and relaxed and had a picnic. Pretended to be stealth and hid from security, and enjoyed the clear blue water for a while before being "kindly" asked to leave... Twice. 

Took the back roads home so we could enjoy the windows down and the hot temperatures. 

Went for Summerlicious downtown and ate delicious prime rib, but still left me craving for more.

Then went to Jacks for a birthday, which then turned into a late night of swimming in underwear at a pool with friends, poking fun at each other and enjoying the jets, in a more x-rated way. 

I could write more but I'm very tired. I looked good today and felt really good. Life can take some pretty unexpected turns. I think things are falling back into place. 

I can hardly keep my eyes op...

1

1.

One.

So strange. 

It's just the beginning. 

They're just going to keep adding up until I can't take it anymore. 

Beach day tomorrow.  

V. Excited. 

Shakespeare.

He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man; and he that is more than a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a man, I am not for him.

           (II.i.28–32)

Biggest Adventure.

Well. It all started at work. Where we played games for 3 hours before getting sent home. Had no gas so decided to sit tight at home. Got dinner brought to me and ate like it was the apocalypse. 

Last night and today was definitely the most exciting adventure I've had in my own apartment. 

Just got power back an hour ago. My area got hit the hardest.

Lived the simple life for almost an entire day without computer, phone or any type of electronic item. Plus, no food in my entire fridge or freezer and burnt out almost all the candles I had lying around. It was actually quite romantic of a situation. Peace and quiet.

Flooding in the entire first floor of the building and up to the second floor. Luckily my apartment was untouched. It felt a little like a horror film once my phone died and no flashlight. But hey, could've been worse. I actually had fun. Almost a little disappointed that the power is back on. 

I shall remember this blackout fondly.

 On a separate note, thinking of buying myself a new iMac. I have no money but hey, life could be worse.

Fairytales.

People have asked me why I haven't been writing lately, and the truth of the matter is that I didn't want to write about how happy I was because I knew deep down it wasn't going to be permanent. I've had some pretty lovely moments and fun times, but it was all temporary. It has left me feeling low and depressed. Ever since my birthday, things have gone down hill. Life is never a fairytale even when you're so happy it feels like it is.

I've always been a believer that things work out if they are meant to. I'm just tired of trying so hard to convince people that I'm worth the time. I guess I am not. It's been rubbed in my face numerous times in the last couple weeks. 

Fairytales are not fairytales without the knight in shining armour. 

Bad Intentions.

Sometimes I feel like my good intentions are seen as bad. Try to make new friends, and then it's the wrong thing to do. When I wear my heart on my sleeve, it's taken as a spiteful act. Even an apology is not enough, and I get cut out. 

There are some situations now that I just don't know what to do, so I just walk away from it all. It's not what I want, but what else can I do? 

Am I really that manipulative, cruel and unappreciative? 

Maybe I am. I sure feel like I'm doing it all wrong. 

Today, I am not a believer. 

Strange Morning.

I had some weird dreams last night. The first was about masked men hijacking a mall I was in, and I was trying to make sure my cat got out alive, so I shrunk her and put her in my pocket. 

The second one was cool because I was house shopping with my sister. But we were just moving into people's houses that weren't occupied but still living there.

The part that was the most interesting, was the fact that I woke up looking forward to reading the textbook I have for my course. I actually find it fascinating. This is different because I usually disliked reading my textbooks through my undergrad. However, I'm so interested in it that it may act as a substitute for my spare time reading. 

What is happening to me? 

Am I actually focused? 

Did I actually miss being in school? 

Huh.

Epiphany. 

Perfection.

Recently, I wrote about getting caught up in a simplistic moment. A breath of fresh air, so to speak. 

During my vacation, I had another one. One that lasted hours, but only felt like a few minutes. 

It was one of the most romantic nights of my life. Yet, it was so simple. The moon over the water, the sound of the waves and slow music in the background. The way my body moved ever so slowly as we danced, round and round. It started faster, then the rhythm changed, and we began to sway. My hair would fall into my face and you would tuck it behind my ear. I closed my eyes and leaned against you, listening to you sing the songs you wanted me to hear. I was lost in the moment. 

I'm writing about it because I don't want to forget it. On the way home I caught myself smiling about it.

It made me a believer again- in love mostly, but of happiness too. That chivalrous people still exist, and life can be simple if you want it to be. Don't hurt others for the sake of it, give what you receive, and that passion can be multi- faceted.

However, the most valuable lesson I was reminded of was to sit back and enjoy the ride, life is not that bad. 

Hangout Festival.

My weekend: 

Friday-

Ryan Bingham

Passion Pit *

Kings of Leon

Saturday-

Shovels & Ropes *

Bright Light Social Hour

Mowgli's

Gov't Mule

Bassnectar *

Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers

Sunday-

Moon Taxi

Galactic 

Ellie Goulding *

Imagine Dragons *

Steve Aoki *

Stevie Wonder *

It's been a very busy weekend, with some common themes:

New drinks 

Beer

Beach time 

Seafood

Old music, new music

Full house

Cuddle buddies

Sleeping on the beach on the ocean 

Southern comfort/hospitality

Accents 

Pick up trucks

Fannypacks

Sunglass holders

Animal sabers 

No worries in the south, it's been really nice. 

Holiday.

The most stressful part of a vacation is obviously the preparation. There are so many things that need to be done and I'm very behind. It doesn't help that I cannot find my passport and I'm missing a bathing suit. 

I feel very disorganized and spent an hour trying to pack my suitcase. My difficulty is that I overpack. 

I feel so out of it. My excitement is being overtaken by retrospectively thinking of my behaviour as of late. I feel like I am leaving with things unresolved, but my actions guaranteed that it's the way it's going to be. I have to live with that. An apology is just words. 

I had a dream last night.

The final goodbye. The perfect goodbye.

I asked whether it was a dream or not. You said it was. It was time to let it all go. With a final perfect kiss, the dream fades and you're gone. 

It felt like an out of body experience where I couldn't tell if it was real. There have only been a few instances where this has happened to me. 

Is it weird that a dream gives you more closure than the realistic situation? Or is it just because it was the ideal outcome?

That's it.

You're only as sick as your secrets.

That's all I have to say anymore.

My vacation is coming at the perfect time.

Not a favourite.

I wonder if ill ever stop being asked about Mother's Day. 

No I'm not doing anything special - ill be sleeping in and just trying to get through the day. 

This moment.

Do you ever get caught up in a moment?

I mean, truly lose yourself in the world for maybe a second, minute or longer?

This may happen alone or with someone else. Your issues, life and people just fade away?

For me, it doesn't happen very often but I love the feeling it gives me. It feels like time has frozen, just for me, in that moment. I am unaware of time and responsibilities. It's a moment of true peace.

It's my day off today but I still have commitments and places to be at specific times. But in the midst of it, I got caught up in absolutely nothing.
I was lying on my balcony with the sun of my face, eyes closed. I hear the world continuing around me but don't notice. I smell the fresh cut grass.
It may have only lasted a moment or a few minutes, I can't be sure. Time was at a standstill. Unfortunately something brought me back, and with an element of alarm I was already wondering what time it was- did I miss my appointment?
I breathe a sigh of relief that I didn't miss my appointment, but with this sigh comes a feeling of regret that the moment is gone. I ruined it, time, life... Ruined it.

On days I work, I am more aware of time and its importance. But on my days off I do not wear a watch or check my phone as regularly. I try to avoid time because its inevitable, so why get consumed in its importance?

Highlight of my day.

At work.

Colleague from work: hey, I have a question for you.
Me: okay
Colleague from work: do you have a boyfriend?
Me: ... No... ( worried he was hitting on me)
Colleague from work: I'm just wondering because my friend was in here the other day, and you dropped off some food. He thinks you are one of the most beautiful girls he's ever seen.
Me: -scoff- oh, that's interesting. Are you sure it was me?
Colleague from work: why, don't you think you're pretty?
Me: -silence- -modesty-
Colleague from work: -laugh- -walk away-

Flattering compliment.
No idea who this person is, but intrigued.

I mean, yes I'm confident. But one of the most beautiful girls ever? Maybe not that confident. However this isn't the first time someone has told me this out of the blue. So who knows.



Definitely still hung over from last night. You know it's a good evening when you don't remember saying goodbye to friends at the bar, taking the subway or the drive home, and falling asleep. Only to wake up in the morning and have others fill you in on the nights events.
This has only happened a couple times in my life. I guess drinking for 10 hours catches up to you without you even noticing.

Thursdays.

I figured I could only be on a high for so long before something happened. It wasn't just a bump, I was crying pretty hard because of it.
I'm reading a book that tell you to be consumed with the emotion so that you can identify it and deal with it instead of dwelling. So I just let it all out today, and I wouldn't say I feel better, but I definitely don't want to cry about it anymore. I was definitely upset and hurt <- emotions identified.

Growing up, I remember this well, I dreaded Thursdays. No matter what, I always had a bad day. This was probably because I expected bad things to happen so they did. But nonetheless, I hated all Thursdays.
Today is of course Thursday. And I get brought back to my childish thinking that Thursdays are the worst day of the week. I realized that I also found out I didn't get into school on a Thursday. I also think I was recently dumped on a Thursday.

Yeah... Thursdays are awful.

I'm going to crawl into a ball for the remainder of the night, wake up and be determined to make tomorrow an epic Friday. Just because I want to.

Take that Thursday, you're so yesterday.

Summer lovin'.

Some people wreck it for everyone, or they try. Once they see you're happy, they try to poop on your party.
But on a wonderful day like today, nothing can bother me. Life is too good right now to be down. I think it's shaping up to be a pretty fucking awesome summer.

No complaints, no regrets.

I hope this is my slogan throughout the summer.
Do I feel like dancing, um yup. Like a giddy little girl on her birthday.

How do you celebrate?!

I celebrate by spending more money.
2 weeks until my holiday!!
25 degree weather, beach, friends and of course 3 days of awesome music.

Oh and of course, with a hearty breakfast. I'm thinking smoothie.

Celebrate!!

Car loan - gone !!!

Last OSAP payment - done!!!

May 01 means I have more money for the things I want in my life!!
It's a good day!

Cat food.

Today has been a very good day.
It's being concluded with relaxing kitty time on the couch. We had a little treat before bed.

It's so funny that my cat is a picky eater. Most animals will jump at the chance for people food. I've tried salmon, chicken, turkey... But to no avail. She will walk away from it.
However.
When it comes to yogurt, she will begin to drool. Or she will lick the bowl clean if you let her. It's part of my morning routine that I enjoy the most - have breakfast with my kitty. Today I wasn't here for breakfast so she got a midnight snack of it instead. She looks quite satisfied.

I really hope I get some sleep tonight. I'm running on empty here. Hitting the hay early.

Life.

Oh no, Madi is in the bathtub again. She never knows how to get out. She just whines until you take her out yourself.
Goofy.

I finally feel better rested. It took until today. Considering I was DD on Friday, it ended up being a pretty interesting evening. It started with the Asian invasion at &co, which is definitely not my favourite scene but very popular among friends. Then randomly ended up at Ten and were escorted out by security after close because we wouldn't leave (and friends were fucking in the bathroom). Then had to convince a friend not to go home with the guy from the bathroom.

Woke up a few hours later and went to our bright-and-early Saturday staff meeting. I obviously wasn't hung over but was incredibly tired. It was the best / worst staff meeting because we were testing our new menu of 3 poutine, 4 burgers and 4 steaks. By 10am I felt so sick it was ridiculous. Definitely NOT what I wanted for breakfast. But I did get some steak to go which has proved to be good sandwich meat.

I did some recon when I got home about apartments, and went to check out a couple. I love the area but its so damn expensive. One of the places I went to was currently rented by a hoarder. A legit hoarder. You could hardly walk through the place without hitting something and the door to the balcony was completely blocked by piles of stuff taller than me. I really wish I took a photograph.
It was gross.

I wasn't tired enough to sleep before work since I had too many things on my mind and didn't eat because I was still too full. I made a ton of money, but there were a couple weird things that happened. Firstly, because it was UFC it brings in the worst crowd. However there were cops sitting outside jacks who asked to open the blinds and watch the fight from their patrol car, which was funny. Secondly, a full brawl unfolded right in front of me with about 10 idiotic dudes (including 4-5 jacks peeps because it involved a manager). It was pretty intense. Not the craziest thing I've seen during UFC though.

By the end of it, I was so tired that I went straight home and crashed. Best sleep I've had all week, but it was one of those sleeps that you're still super tired when you wake up. I had to wake up because I had an appt to see an apartment right by the water. It was actually really nice but I'm not willing to dish out that kind of money unless I was living with a significant other for a 1-bedroom. I'm still checking out a few places this week just to get an idea.

Today I am doing nothing. And I mean nothing. It's my first day off in what feels like forever and I am not going to stuff it full of things to do. I'm going to watch Game of Thrones and have a nap. Do some research and make dinner. Perhaps watch a movie and call it an early night. It sounds fucking fantastic.

I want to leave on an uplifting note. I read this on Facebook this morning and its so true. Think you should read it.

http://goinswriter.com/travel-young/

I may not work in travel full time anymore but ill always be happiest traveling or planning out my next trips.
Only 2 weeks until vacation! Finally. It's going to be an exhausting week and I'm so excited.

Zzz.

Such a long weekend. I'm so exhausted... So little sleep..
Can't wait for my day off tomorrow..

I want to sleep forever.

Balcony time.

I have a serious chill right now.
My own fault, of course.

However it was really nice having dinner on my balcony. I bundled up, and watched some Dexter while I ate. I'm ready for summer to be here so I can do it more frequently.
Earlier this week was the first time i had a meal on a patio. It was perfect because they had heaters on and I wasn't cold.

Summer is so much better.

I miss looking at the stars.

The stars will look different this year.

R-r-r-andom Rant.

It's been an interesting couple of days. I've had a hard time today deciding whether I am content with the present situation. On one hand, my car is officially paid off (yippee!), but on the other hand, I felt more emotional today than I have in a while and it's bothered me. It's amazing how something that is so great can leave you feeling so crappy. Plus it also doesn't help when something so natural is so wrong. I didn't realize that I missed companionship, but I guess I do a little. There is a certain element of comfort in catching up with your feet up drinking a beer with someone else.

I finally went grocery shopping. I figured eating pasta 4 nights in a row was a sign that I needed to shop. It was nice listening to Coldplay strolling the aisles for an hour and picking out things I would like to eat. I find something incredibly relaxing about grocery shopping. It's an act I only do a couple times a month, but it's enjoyable. Sometimes these types of acts are the highlights on my month. I look forward to waking up in the morning knowing that I will be starting the day by having a hearty breakfast. Further I have decided to cut out bread from my diet except for one meal a day (probably lunch since I love sandwiches). Maybe gluten is the reason I'm gaining weight.
Also, I've always thought it would be romantic to meet someone at a grocery store, "sorry miss you dropped your muff, I mean muffin". Then we would laugh and fall madly in love.
Just kidding about the end. Kind of.

This post was random but I just felt the need to write. I could go on about the blackout and feeling sick from sushi, but not right now. It's not as exciting as knowing about my diet and grocery shopping regiment. So I figured that took precedence.

Some things just don't change, good or bad. It's nice to have the reminder. Living in a world of "what ifs" and momentary sweetness is not how I want to spend my time.
My upper back is killing me.

Another one.

It's going to be one of those days.

Maybe I'll just live alone if these are my "potential" roommates.

I'm so bored at work I'm not even sure what to do with myself. I have no other trips planned to research.

It didn't help that i had a shit sleep last night. But further (!!) my stupid downstairs neighbour was BLASTING inner ninja on the radio at 830am. Luckily I had to be up anyways, but I could hear the traffic report through the floor, word for word. Sometimes I just don't understand people. Well, most of the time.

The highlight of my weekend was a dream I had. I was part of a huge orgy with 7 other girls and the cast of Workaholics. I had a very passionate affair with Blake. Random.

The not-so-highlight was getting a flat tire before work and dealing with a stupid cab driver that made me super late. I had an awkward moment when I tried to get into a car that I thought was a cab when it actually was a car that belonged to someone from my apartment building. He was really nice about it and offered to drive me anywhere I wanted. I immediately closed the door, he had a mischievous look on his face. And bad teeth. I have a hard time trusting someone with bad teeth.

Guess I should find something to do.

People say (and do) the darnedest things.

I feel like I should just rename this blog the title of this post because I deal with such stupid people on a daily basis.

Not sure if anyone remembers Mr. Impressive (actual email address name) from last summer when I was looking for a roommate, but if you need a reminder check out the picture below.

I recently posted a new ad for a roommate and a guy responded. I posted his email below as well. Does the arrogant comments about blow jobs and models seem similar to you?
Well colour me ginger, they are the same person almost a year later!! I burst out laughing when I compared the emails.

It's just been that type of week.

However today, I did get to have lunch at my favourite restaurant and have dinner outside on a patio. Further, I did get to wear a skirt all day without feeling cold. That's a bonus for me.

I've been pretty drama free lately and it's been lovely. But this week, holy cow, people are seriously angsty and bitchy. Surprisingly after everything that has happened this week and the bad news I have received, I'm just shaking my head and laughing.
What else can you do? You can't control people's reactions, but you sure as hell can control your own.

D-day Thursday.

They say you don't really see the true colours of a person you are dating until the honeymoon phase is over. I have come to the realization that you don't learn this until the relationship is over. You see the way they really are when there is no care anymore. When they don't owe you anything.
They can either take the high road and continue to be a normal human being, or they can be a complete asshole for the sake of it.

Sigh.
So this is what honesty gets you because you don't want to burn that bridge you built for a long time. Maybe nothing romantic but at least friendship. I guess boys act differently. Ego or whatever.


Tomorrow is d-day. My fate will soon be decided.
I can't believe tomorrow is already Thursday. I'm excited but also incredibly scared that this could be it. I feel so unprepared. I probably won't be able to sleep tonight.

Fuck fuck fuck.

Day went from good to stressed.
The next few days will be very annoying.

I need a beer.
I need a bunch of beers.
Just so I can sleep the next couple days.

I liked my unstressed little bubble and now it's ruined.
I need some time alone to think.

Everything happens for a reason.
Everything happens for a reason.

649.

I bought a ticket for $55 million.
Paid 2$ and won 10$.

I feel lucky :)

But check your tickets, 4 people won the grand prize. I hope they deserve it.

Yellow Boogers.

I've been sick all weekend. It may have to do with the barometric pressure or the fact I drank quite a lot last week or maybe a bit of both. It's some type of virus judging by the snot coming out of my nose. I know, it sounds gross but snot is actually very informative about what type of sickness you have.

Clear - normal
Yellow - viral infection
Green - bacterial (more serious)

FYI.

I could go for someone coming taking care of me, or even just a nice back rub. But seeing that this won't happen since I don't want to make anyone sick, I slept in late and made myself some chocolate chip/raspberry/blueberry pancakes. I made a full batch so I have breakfast for tomorrow at FC. It's going to be weird being back, but at least I can book my trip for next month.

May is going to be a good month :) only a few weeks until Book of Mormon and then a holiday.

But for now, back to sleep until work.
My tamagotchi ( a word actually on my phone ) stays awake during the day... So demanding. He should be okay for a couple hours. He is actually sick too.

Lol I'm so lame.

Alien Encounters.

At work...

Woman comes up to me rather distressed...

Stupid woman: excuse me.
Me: yeah? ( me being polite )
Stupid woman: my son. He ate half of this stirfry and he has a SEVERE allergy to peanuts.
Me: oh my goodness, did he have a reaction?
Stupid woman: no it's not an automatic onset.
Me: ...
Me: you realize this plate is covered in diced peanuts.
Stupid woman: i didn't read the menu.
Me: ...
Stupid woman: he had a severe allergy though I need this remade so he doesn't have a reaction.
Me: ...
Me: ( thinking you are a fucktard parent ) sure.

Are you kidding me? Are people really that dumb?
The answer is yes. Yes they are.

People say and do the darnedest things!

&co crap.

I hate clubbing.
I think I said this a couple weeks ago. I'm referring to top 40 "grinding" music. I am so over it. Maybe I liked this in university and was okay with disgusting guys' grubby fingers on me, but now, not so much. Last night I only lasted an hour before wanting to leave. I went to a place called &co and it was not my cup of tea. I prefer electronic/ house/ dubstep music which I will enjoy next weekend.

Nonetheless it was okay.

The icing on my week was filing my taxes. A nice $3000 headed my way. By the end of the month I will be OSAP and car loan free.
It will be a wonderful feeling. Paying off $22,000 of debt in 2 years is pretty damn good I think. I will be celebrating the end of this month with a delicious steak and a lot of wine!

Or I'll start tomorrow at laser tag. I'm so excited to battle against children. I haven't been for a long time, my visit is overdue. Hopefully it will cover up the feeling of dread that I had to clean off my car this morning. Spring is not being very accommodating so far. I've already retired my winter clothing, did my spring cleaning... I don't want to catch a cold!! I will NOT wear my winter coat again.

I'm sleepy.. Think I'm going to call it an early night.