This past weekend was the best/scariest/craziest/fun/sleep deprived weekend I have had since university, or maybe ever. I've been trying to think of a time that comes close to what I experienced, but I am drawing a blank.
A close friend told me recently that I've changed. Changed for better or for worse, I'm not sure yet. However, I'm starting to realize that it's probably true. I've come into a phase where I just want to have a good time and live in love. I've been doing some stuff that I would never have thought I would do, and absolutely loving it. For example, I had my first near death experience this weekend. It lasted 2 minutes, and was the scariest experience of my life. However, when it was all said and done, I was glad it happened. A little perspective never hurt anyone... (this isn't true, I thought I was going to die). BUT I came out in one piece and continued to enjoy myself until 6am. My recovery from this weekend has gone into day 2, and last night, I had the best sleep I've had in a very, very long time. This is probably a result of my body and mind in complete exhaustion.
After seeing photos from the last couple months, I'm amazed. My life has changed, but only socially. Being myself comes naturally around people, I'm not worried about whether they like me anymore. I have more girl friends than guy friends, and have fallen for a guy who calls me out on my shit and enjoys the same lifestyle that I have. I'm learning to trust people because I put myself in situations that I couldn't handle alone. I take care of people and they take care of me. I have no problem telling people that I love them, I am super playful at work, and actually hug people. There are still times when I need a good cry, but not from being sad (unless I have a moment of weakness, but this is becoming less and less frequent - like never). It's just from actually being able to express my emotions with people, and sharing things I've been ashamed of before. I am finally comfortable with my life and what it means. I have no idea how long this phase is going to last, but I walk around with a smile on my face 95% of the time. The other 5% makes me sad and is from watching Greys or the finale of Breaking Bad or Dexter.
I'm just glad that I haven't settled for a life that I "should" have. I have a life that most people couldn't handle, and until recently, I didn't think I was one of those people either. Life has lead me away from the thought that a intimate relationship is all I need in life. I have been happy without intimacy for the first time in my life, and couldn't live without my friends. I enjoy company, but also thoroughly enjoy spending time alone with my cat.
I guess I am just revelling in my single life with my single friends, not just getting laid because I "need" the intimacy. I have been the most honest I have ever been with people around me, and the most loyal.
I have always told people that sometimes you just need to expect the unexpected and roll with the punches. Everything is on its way up, and I couldn't be happier.
This time last year I quit my job because I needed a change. To some, I went backwards in my career path. But overall, I have come out on top and am finally moving forward. Once you get rid of all the people in your life that bring you down, and only surround yourself with people that motivate you, respect you and love you, this is when you can be whoever you are meant to be, and make whatever you want happen.
Life is fucking wonderful.
Only 19 days until my holiday.
Being an adrenaline junkie may be the death of me but I'm ready for the next adventure.
