Dec. 29

I lit a candle this morning and am going to let it burn all day.

Today is one of the hardest reminders of how life can change in a moment, and can change forever.

Today is a day that I feel ended a lot of things, and started others. All negative consequences.

Today was the end of my life as I planned.

Today was the end of a relationship.

Today was also the start of my unhappiness.

Today was the start to others unhappiness.

Today was a reminder of some decisions you cannot take back.

Today was a day that showed me how something so small could change me so much.

Today is a day that I will always think "what if".

Today is a day that I will dream about forever.

Giggle.

Today has been a good day.

I'm realizing I have a lot to look forward to in the coming year, and tonight I laughed the most I have in at least a week. It felt really good. Maybe I just need to laugh more, even if my laugh is awful. Or maybe I need a happy lamp.

Plus, I have a huge (expensive) delivery coming tomorrow. Christmas present to myself :)
Very excited!

Going to bed with hope of actually sleeping tonight. Really need to get tested for mono soon...

Winter.

I rather regret not having the money to go on vacation. I was supposed to be in Europe and Africa right now for the holidays, but alas I am here during a blizzard. There was absolutely nothing I would've missed doing, and I would finally be away. I badly need a vacation. I'm getting a little stir crazy, and feel like I don't have anything to look forward to, other than work work work.
On the bright side of things, I finally had a reason to wear my winter boots. If only I had a cuddle buddy to drink hot chocolate with while watching the snow fall.
As long as I continue working as much as I am, I think 2013 will be a year of vacations and relaxation before school.
That sounds real nice. It will be nice having money again so I can maybe start to plan some fun activities.

Who wants to go tobogganing?

Fuck Xmas.

Tomorrow will be the first day of me waking up alone on Christmas. I got my traditional food and beverages to keep up the occasion.
I'm not feeling very good going into Christmas but maybe it won't be what I think - maybe I won't spend it alone..
Wishful thinking.
I must say though, Christmas isn't about doing nice things its about being reminded of what you have done wrong and who doesn't care about you.
I love this time of the year.
I really will never understand the hype about this holiday - it fucking blows.
I'm sleeping in.

And remember kids... People don't tell the truth, they tell you the easy thing so they can avoid everything important. Especially at Christmas. People are fucking selfish.

Merry Christmas to anyone who reads this.
But seriously I can't wait until its over. Ill always been the grinch through and through. Ill be bringing in this wonderful holiday alone, hugging a pillow and crying for it to be over.

Dick.

Sometimes all you need to end a day is some dick... Some mcdick. (Note: some real dick would be nice too but that probably won't happen for a while. It's hard when I have an over active sex drive. And it also doesn't help that sex is a common topic at work).
I love mcdick, even if it makes me fatter.

The average person puts and keeps on 1 pound every year at Christmas. I wouldn't mind gaining 5 pounds by the time I'm 30.
Plus, I was told by 4 people today how I have a perfect bottom. Thank you lulu. Not many people can go shopping and only walk out of the mall with something for themselves. But I sure can.

I'm tired and I look forward to my day off. Maybe I'll actually get some stuff for other people tomorrow...

2012.

Tomorrow is the end of the world.
If this happens, I will die alone. No one will try to save me or want to die beside me.
This is everyone's #2 fear, however right now, I don't mind that reality. I just want Christmas and 2012 to be over.

I couldn't even enjoy the Nutcracker fully tonight. What did I do so wrong?

Red green blue

Christmas is the loneliest time of the year. I'm envious of any person that says the opposite.

I'm just going to stay at home, not work and watch my Christmas tree turn from red to green to blue until Christmas finally passes and feel that spring is on the way.

Vodka with cranberry ginger ale may become the new best part of this festive holiday.

I'm trying to figure out if there is anyone I should be buying a gift for this year but can't really think of any. Seems to be shaping into the worst Christmas ever.

I was hopeful but now I am not.
December and Christmas is the worst time of the year for someone single and with no one.
But I do have vodka so that is good enough to get me through most days. Luckily I'm barely working this week now so I can continue to drown myself in my misery. I definitely deserve it.

I probably won't write much this holiday because I'm thinking of the following shitty dates:
November 30
December 02
December 12-13
December 17
December 25
December 29
December 31

I do wish everyone else a happy holiday because most people enjoy time to themselves and are happy.

Christmas set up.

I have been procrastinating setting up my apartment for Christmas, so I figured a Saturday night spent alone was a perfect night to do so (and foreshadow).
I think it will be a very lonely Christmas but it was nice putting all the ornaments on the tree because they are memories from different years prior.
I liked how Penny had a fake fireplace in her apartment (Big Bang Theory) and think it would be great in my apartment so I could hang up my stocking. Alas I am unable to find one online. It would really add some warmth to my living room.
Madi also likes Christmas. Hopefully she doesn't break anything this year.

Christmas movie watching will commence tomorrow I think :)

Ellie.

Oh Ellie I do like your music. However, I figured it wasn't a good idea to listen to a song about a car accident (Anything Can Happen) while driving.
Apparently I was right because a minute after I did listen to it, I DID get into an accident. My first. Hopefully my only.
It wasn't my fault, but it did shake me up a lot. I was in shock so I was incredibly nice, was smiling and making jokes. Probably not the first thing you do when you just got smashed from behind on the highway. I'm glad I wasn't meant to die yesterday, my life didn't flash before my eyes - I just thought "fuck" and closed my eyes.

My day got worse by getting stuck in traffic for 3 hours. THREE hours. In the GTA. Stupid. I was so frustrated and paranoid because it was the first snowfall of the year then I saw 5 accidents on my way home. I almost started to cry but then!!! I went to Jacks and had some drinks with people and started to feel better and ended the night at The Keg sitting by the fireplace.

Going to find out the damage today.
My poor little 2007 got beat up by a 2012. Pick on something your own age :(

Oh, for the people that are reading this and maybe a little worried, I'm okay and woke up with no pains anywhere. But thank you for your concern.