Best Card.

I love Write Impressions. It's hard to walk in without buying anything. 

This is a good reason why. Even the store name is clever. I miss this area. 

Still Smiling.

Who needs boys, when you gots hot bitches... And hotdogs. And sangria... And numerous flasks smuggled into games... And those flasks going into drinks at bars... And stumbling home feeling pretty alright. 

Yup, it's been a good night.

Who doesn't love BJs? 

Charlie.

Long night but just realized something I wanted to note.

I said in an older post that I looked forward to the day I lost count. Apparently this day has come and gone (not sure when), and I realized that today. 

I'm exhausted but also very happy for this. 

Who knows and who cares? 

Definitely going to sleep like a baby tonight... Minus the Charlie horse in my butt. What? That just happened. And yes, it's incredibly uncomfortable. I need a massage. 

Dizzy.

Not just from my 5km jog that made me almost faint on the sidewalk. 

Today is definitely one of my "I don't know what the fuck I'm doing" days. 

Yesterday I was calm and collected, not worried or concerned about the future. Last night, I was feeling confident and sexy driving way too fast on the highway, deafening myself to music with the windows down, and rocking leather pants and heels... and smiling.

Speed + heels = sexy. 

I was in control. 

Alas.

Today I am indecisive. Things are changing (or not changing) depending on how you look at it. That confidence I was feeling last night is now being shadowed by uncertainty and frustration. 

I just need to get through work tonight and then I will have a few days off to reflect and figure out what the fuck I am doing. 

Hopefully. 

I need a healthy distraction from the best distraction ever. 

The Head and the Heart.

Walking around in a daze. 

A permanent smile on my face. 

I'll always remember sitting at a street light in my car dancing together to music I will only ever associate with you. I was making fun of you, but then I joined in on the silliness. Being myself comes easily with you. 

My heart has been reminded of what it can feel with the right person, and be able to recognize when someone feels the same way. 

I've always been a romantic, and believer that things can work out if you want them to. 

I'm lost in my mind. I'll remember every moment we spent together, and hope we see each other again. 

Fantasy World.

I just looked at my bank balance. 

I am amazingly broke. I ask myself... how is it possible? 

Thennnnnn I look at photos from the past couple months and all of the activities I have done... And how little I have actually worked. 

Ah. It makes sense. 

Summer is the greatest. ❤ 

It was all fun until this weekend. Then everything changed... 

This past weekend was beautiful. It was surreal, romantic, encompassing - like a movie, but actually was real life. I'm not even going to write details because it does not feel like it truly happened. Feels more like a dream I want to keep to myself forever. Unfortunately it is all over now and back to real life. 

Life is so ironic and unexpected. 

Love is all around me. 

I feel beautiful. 

What just happened? 

Surreal, but so nice.

❤ I have had a lot of insight on my life and direction since I have been away. It is a beautiful thing. 

I mean, the plans have been in the works for the past couple of months and not many people know about them. I'm a little... Embarrassed (?) may not be the best word.. Hesitant. Yes, that's a more accurate description. Hesitant of sharing my goals because they are incredibly risky and new. I'm not the most confident person in these ideas yet. 

However, sharing them with people that I hardly know was exhilarating. Having the support of people I truly do not know says something to me. They do not know anything about me, but can tell how passionate I am about the idea to be understanding. I'm not sure how I surround myself with such wonderful people on the regular. Unfortunately, I'm not very good at expressing my gratitude. 

But yes, I have been waking up to different ideas and physically writing them down. My memory seems to be getting worse and don't want to lose any of my thoughts. 

Including this one... 

Today was a surreal day for me. Not many people can understand it, and I'm not sure if ill be able to accurately describe it.

But I will try.

I was sitting with my aunt by the water. We were chatting about my future goals and I was listening to insight about relationships. She asked me many tough questions, which I had an answer for each one, or left me thinking after. 

I was reading a romance novel, which I will give to her when I am finished. 

We walked along the shore and in the shallow water, stopping to put our feet in the natural baths the rock had formed centuries ago. 

I wish I had taken a photo. Not because of the surroundings, but for the moment. I am somewhere I have never been before but feel at home. I guess the right people make you feel that way. 

My aunt and I sat there for a while, in silence, in our own thoughts. However I was just thinking about her - how absolutely wonderful she is. Considering we didn't spend very much time together until a few years ago, we are close. She is the closest thing to a mother that I will ever know, and it's surreal and scary at the same time. It reminds me of a time before my mom was sick, and the time we spent together. I'm not sure how to tell her how wonderful she is because I'm sure I would cry the way I am now writing this. I don't like being that vulnerable. 

But it was a moment that lasted hours and I wouldn't have changed it for the world. She reminds me of what family means, what it means to be part of that family and also what it takes to be great friend. There are not many people that have done that in my life, and it is refreshing. 

They say it only takes one person to save your life, and without knowing it, she has saved mine. ❤

Counting Stars.

(Great song.)

Exhausted.

It's been a lovely and busy week. However I've hardly been working.

Life is wonderful. 

I'm sitting in bed, listening. I cannot hear anything but the sound of water. This is when I'm truly at peace. 

I've been struggling lately with the fine line between loneliness and peacefulness. But tonight I can really tell the difference. In the city, there are days I sit on my balcony and all I hear are cars. i partially feel that I'm content, however it gives me a sense of sadness. 

When I'm near the water, life is exactly the way it's supposed to be - simple, beautiful and peaceful. Makes me question why I'm so determined to stay in the city, and why living somewhere tranquil is so scary. 

Nevertheless, I love this moment and this life I've been living. 

Date #2 was on Friday night, and there definitely were a couple red flags raised. The last time red flags were raised at the beginning, well, we all know how that turned out. However,I'm trying not to be limited and naive, and give the benefit of the doubt. The day and night was truly memorable and romantic. 

It was the first time I had been to Niagara in a while, and it was a beautiful day. We walked along the falls, went to the casino, had drinks at a restaurant where we were so close to the falls we could feel the mist while we ate, saw a comedy show and walked some more. 

We made plans to spend more time together this week. Not sure what that means. I'm not very good at the whole dating thing, but okay just to see what happens. 

For a few days I'm running away from it all. I'm not in a familiar place, or with familiar people... And it's wonderful. I was drunk by 5pm, no one cares.

The big meteor shower is tonight, and I'm incredibly happy that I can watch it out of the city. Something about the stars is so relaxing and .. Hopeful.

I wonder what I will wish for tonight.... 

Date night.

Sooooo I went on a first date tonight. It's been a very long time. I forgot how awkward it can be, but how I love the awkwardness. Maybe it's because I'm generally pretty comfortable, or I'm getting my confidence back up, but I had a good time being myself. I feel like I haven't in so long. 

It's also nice conversing with someone for 4 hours not worried that they are bored. I forgot how great it is to have someone look at you and act completely interested, because they genuinely are. Everything about me is new to them.

I've been lucky with this lately... No douchebags. 

Why do people rush through the dating phase? It is so fun and so uncomplicated. 

I'm still exhausted from the weekend, but so glad to be home. 

Turning over a new leaf. 

On the restaurant wall.

Osheaga.

Where do I even start?
I guess with the fact I had an amazing time.

I was hesitant about staying the entire weekend, when I found out we were going to be staying in a residence, rather than a hotel. I didn't exactly want to go crazy all weekend. I figured I would stay for Friday, then possibly leave Saturday to go home and relax during my time off.
Needless to say, that didn't happen.

Where and when I saw the bands and artists have become a big blur, but there are definitely points that stuck out. The overall trip was an adventure.

I'm just going to write the highlights because I'm far too exhausted to go into details.

Friday -
Breakfast made for me
Running out of gas in the middle of a small town in Quebec (no one spoke English)
Being about 8 rows of people from Ellie Goulding
Soaked by the fire hose... three times
Dancing on picnic tables to The Cure
4 cabs, 2 hotels and 2 bars later... Popular with the French apparently.
Bathroom photos at 4am

Saturday -
Sleeping in
VIP tent with unlimited beer
Being about 8 rows back from Tegan & Sara
Being FRONT ROW for Imagine Dragons
Trying MDMA, 8 hours
Wired all night
Went to an electronic club
Walked around alone for a little while I came down
Listened to music in the room until 3am

Sunday -
Rough morning
Left early to see Atlas Genius
Bought a 2$ umbrella
Late to see Atlas Genius because Tim Hortons took 20 minutes to make a bagel
Chilled on the grass by myself to music... didn't move spots for 11 hours
Meet a guy from Vermont, chatting for 3 hours
Got caught in a crazy downpour, laughing at how amazing it was
Drinking a lot of beer
Shoulder rides at The Lumineers
Shoulder rides and dancing at Mumford & Sons
Relaxing on the hill until it cleared out
Stopping for greek food at 1am
Worst sleep ever.

Monday -
Check out
Spent the last of the $500 I brought at breakfast
Stuck in traffic.. over and over
7.5 hours to get home, hardly kept my eyes open
Friends in 5 car accident
Exhausted.
Exhausted.
Exhausted.

The coolest part about festivals is that you see the same people all the time, yet there are other people you never see at all. This is something I was very thankful for by the end of the weekend. I'm referring to one person who I was blessed with not running into or seeing the entire time. And the one person who I actually connected with that was able to find me over and over.
What a breath of fresh air. This is the happiest I've been in a long while. Who knew.

Very happy to be home, just me and my kitty cat.
Oh, and my bed.

Music.

It's amazing how music can bring out different emotions. It's even more amazing that different songs by the same artist or band can bring out these different emotions. To me, that is beautiful music. 

I listen to Demons by Imagine Dragons and get goosebumps and fight off tears every time I hear it. But as soon as the song switches to On Top of the World, I feel happy and high and want to dance. 

Lows to highs in a matter of seconds. 

Really cool. 

I'm also obsessed with Capital Cities who I'm stoked to see tomorrow. It's going to be good.

Road Tripppppp!

Last night someone close to me told me I looked the most stressed out I've been in a while. The truth is, I was. 

A couple days ago, I found out something that I thought may destroy my belief in love. It did, for one day. I almost got looped into the fact I may never let it go. However, by yesterday my upset turned to anger. I had planned something that would really hurt someone. But seeing that I don't want to do things that purposely hurt someone, I have decided that I'm not going to act on it.

So last night I had a great sleep. My anger has now turned to acceptance that I'm not going to waste another day of my life dwelling on something that was doomed from the start. I think I had good intentions and I was taken advantage of for a very long time. 

I'm not going to let it keep me negative and hurt. I'm wiping my hands clean that I've done everything I could, and walk away. 

I'm going to enjoy the single life, and just go back to where I was before this whole ordeal happened. I'm not going to say I regret wasting my time, but would I do it completely differently? Abso (fucking) lutely. 

Finally having the realization that I was retarded for so long, doesn't make me want to jump into anything for a long time. I'm not going to make the same mistakes again. Maybe if something "falls into my lap" (figuratively not literally,of course), I will probably run in the opposite direction. 

So I have a lot of driving ahead of me over the next couple days. It's going to be nice to know that you are not my problem anymore. 

It's funny how "love" can give you a sense of security, when in reality it has changed my perspective about what I want. I may have made some mistakes, but I finally see that I was not the selfish one for a long time. 

It's been a breath of fresh air. I'm very glad that this happened, even though it was found out the wrong way. I genuinely hope things work out for you. It doesn't make sense to be unhappy that you're happy. 

Going to be an interesting weekend. Have no idea what to expect and I'm okay with that. Sounds more like the way I used to be, and the way I want to be.

Lets go.