Admiration.

Tonight was difficult. I had to say goodbye to one of the most cherished people in my life. Someone who has been the most wonderful boyfriend and then later, friend that I've ever had. The only person that has made me truly believe that I am as amazing as they tell me, and only person that has made me feel that I could accomplish anything I set my mind to. I'm so happy for him, but so selfishly sad at the same time. I may have blown a speaker in my car, dishing out all my emotions into singing. This isn't the first person I have had to say goodbye to this week, and I only got back 2 days ago. However, there are some people that I have said goodbye to that I can live without, and some that I can't. I think this means a lot when I can say these things after knowing someone for almost 4 years. One of the most important influences on my life, and one of the very few people I trust with my life (even though, I am one of the reasons why he's leaving).
I try to be like you, because you, are amazing. Don't ever forget that.
I love you.
Maybe one day I will follow in your large footsteps across the country.
I'll continue looking up at you with admiration.




This just reinforces ...
WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?
Even though everything in my life is moving forward.

Stay - Rihanna Branchez Remix. Fucking amazing.

One of the wonderful perks of not having a roommate for months is that I can get lost in music and dance like a baboon without a care in the world.

❤️ so much loveness.

I have some very special people in my life. This is what I came home to after 9 days. 

What an adventure.. Write more later. 

Ready for sleep in my own bed with the cutest cat on earth. Today has been filled with a lot of love. 

Resume.

I've been working on my resume on my holiday, and I think that I really just need to delete everything I have done, and write one thing:

Maker of Bad Decisions. 

Too bad I don't have a personal life resume because then it would be:

Maker of Bad Decisions!!! 

With a few extra underlines and maybe circled a couple times. 

My gut is usually right.

And right now I'm feeling sick.

Hmm.

It's funny what happens when you either choose to follow your gut, or you don't. 

It's nice to feel like a princess again. It's been a very long time. 

1.5

My allocated weekly frustration is brimming. Surprisingly, I took out this frustration on my apartment, so it's quite tidy. I suppose there are worse things. 

I'm finally starting to look forward to my trip because I think I need a holiday. I am a little high strung and don't know what to do with my pent up aggression. Well, I do know what to do but need to wait a couple more days. 

Only one more day of work. 

My new haircut is growing on me (punny) since I hated it yesterday. You'd think that after spending $65 on a haircut at a nice place, you'd get exactly what you want. But no. 

I know I need a holiday when I start worrying about the small stuff. 

Just one more day, then away for ten. Need to focus on this... 

Oh boy, can't breathe... So much dust. 

Note to self: clean apartment more regularly, coughing and sneezing fits are not fun. 

Counting Down.

Went to see Don Jon tonight and thoroughly enjoyed it. Obviously, there are a few minor flaws in the storyline, but overall it was very well done. Every time I put on my computer, I'll think of sex. As if I need another excuse. 

Watching it on a Tuesday... A little ironic? Motivating? 

4. 

Finally some excitement I've been waiting for... Patiently, I may add. 

So many things to do before I go... The storm before the calm starts tomorrow. 

Thanksgiving.

Today is a day to be thankful. 

Things I'm lucky to have: 

New and old friendships 

(A few) amazing family members 

My job

My apartment and my material things

Music that makes me laugh, cry or sing to on repeat

Precious Madi

Being able to sleep in everyday 

Taking off as much time work as i would like 

Ability to be creative 

Strong immune system (minus last week)

Full use of all my senses and movement

Doing what I want when I want to

Conversation skills (not to be confused with communication skills)

Ability to laugh and have a good time

Strength to be self motivated and not knocked down by others that hurt me

My sex drive 

My "foodie" abilities 

Sound of the water

Rocks being flat so I can skip them

Makeup for ugly days

Spontaneous people, or ones that surprise me

Okay , I could go on but I'm tired. It's been a tiring weekend trying to get back to normal. It was a perfect fall day.. Very metaphoric, I think. Life just keeps getting better. *knock on wood*.

The Next Day...

I feel that I was hit by a truck.... To the face. I haven't felt this shitty in a while, and can't get out of bed. 

Sick cuddles are probably the best but I don't want to pass it on to anyone else. I really hope I feel better this weekend. I do love thanksgiving. (Sarcasm). 

Going back to sleep... Need some meds but can't get up. Ugh. Stuffed tissue up my nose to stop the running... Feeling super sexy right now.

Need... Benedryl... Badly.

Drunk and Happy.

Wow. Just wow. I'm so blown away. It's amazing how things can change in a weeks time. 

Going to sleep with my heart a little fuller and a smile on my face. So adorable. 

I really can't deal right now. 

I claim to hate surprises, but I love when someone truly surprises me. Makes me so happy.

The difference between yesterday's surprise that left me feeling a little uncertain and sick to my stomach, and today's simplicity of doing a nice thing was monumental. I know I'm making the right decision. 

My friend asked me last week how I attract such wonderful men in my life, and that was a really great question that made me think. I have been blessed with many people that have come and gone (or stayed) in my life and, I probably have a better record than most. I hope they can say the same thing about me. 

I was told recently to follow my heart, wherever that leads, and I think I'm about to. I haven't gotten these butterflies in years, and I think that's a very good sign.

Burrr.

Definitely am a little grumpy from the chill I've had for 3 hours. Curling up in bed alone doesn't exactly help. I need some good ol' body warmth to get my temperature up. It never used to take that long. 

It's not even Tuesday 😢. 

I miss my perfect lover. 

Pooped.

Well my low key weekend definitely turned into a not so low key weekend. And again, I am sleep deprived and hungover for both Saturday and Sunday. 

Went to Yuk Yuks on Friday for the first time since August, and then chilled in this random gem of an area in Toronto I didn't know existed. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't keep a conversation with someone. With most people, it comes easy and I'm so thankful for that. Passed out on my couch and didn't even make it to my bed since I was so drunk and tired by 4am. 

Saturday went and crashed a wedding... Not for the first time. Open bar, uh yup. Thanks random people for getting married and supplying me with as much booze I could handle. I stole a centrepiece as well which I'll use for flowers. Stopped by the grocery store and spent the only money I did all night buying supplies for nachos and eating them like I was never going to eat again. Delicious. Never even made it downtown for Nuit Blanche, but I had a solid night without it. Always next year.

Now I'm going to curl up on my couch for hours and watch movies. World War Z is on the list for sure. That is what Sundays are made for. Maybe I'll get a pizza... Yum. Delivery... Definitely. 

Space.

So it's official , I'm never becoming an astronaut. Not that it was incredibly high on my list of priorities, but after seeing Gravity, I've ruled it out completely. 

Looking forward to a low key weekend of comedy shows and Nuit Blanche. Missed out last year and it may actually be warm enough to walk around. 

15. 

Can't come soon enough. You know it's getting bad when you go up to your male colleagues and ask them for a man hug. Yeesh.

New Girl.

Best quote of the day :

I could get a chair in a table store!! 

Great show. 

If you're not obsessed, get on that.