Question.

I have a new puzzle, it's 1000s of pieces. I want to put it together and see the perfectness I've created. I'm patient so I don't mind if it takes a while. However, I accidentally drop the box on the floor before I start. 

Shoot. 

I scramble on my knees to ensure I don't miss anything, I want it to be complete. It takes a lot of hard work and time for perfection. 

I get off my knees and start putting it together, turning pieces to ensure they fit together correctly. Sometimes it takes a few attempts for them to fit. 

I'm so close, I'm almost there, when I notice- uh oh ... I'm missing one final piece. It is a very valuable piece, one the puzzle cannot be complete without. I go on my knees again, and look so hard for the missing piece, but it cannot be found. 

Question.

Is it still complete without a fundamental piece? Or am I going to have an issue with the puzzle not being complete. 

As bad as it sounds, sometimes talking about another's situation makes you greatful for your own.

It could always be worse. Sure. But I do have it pretty great. Recognizing it makes all the difference. 

Dark and gloomy.

Writing has always been an outlet for my thoughts, a window into my mind. However, I have not been writing at all, and I feel like I want to scream everyday. 

Today I feel like I'll never get it right; that my mind is too dark to let light in. It gets very lonely, even when I'm not alone. 

Today I feel like I'm the girl your friends tell you to shy away from, but you're too blind to see it yourself. Until, of course, I push you so far away, you have no choice but to see the true shade of darkness. 

Today I feel like I need to take three steps back, focus on something that i have been looking forward to, and then maybe i will be able to take an honest step forward. 

I hope it doesn't all come crashing down, but who wants dark and gloomy when they could have simple and beautiful ? 

Smiles

You fall asleep so easily . Sometimes snoring sometimes not. You're at peace. 

I can't help but smile. You're modest , and amazing. You have absolutely no idea how long I've waited to feel like this . So content and so happy listening to you snore, twitch and grind your teeth in your sleep. 

It's a beautiful feeling being wrapped in your beautiful life. 

How did I get so lucky ? 

Fear.

One of my biggest fears is to be trapped in a train or subway or elevator for an extended amount of time filled with all males as the only female. 

I wonder how animalistic and desperate men would get in that type of circumstance. 

Obviously I hope I never find out.

Just a thought.

Woot.

I haven't been this excited about a show since the summertime. 

This Saturday. 

Disclosure. 

It's going to be very interesting... 

No idea what to expect. But I'm very excited and intrigued. 

"Lovin" is simple when you're simply "in love".

Can't believe I missed out on Madonna... Such a sad day. 

Speaking of Madonna, I'm worried about my kitten. She may have asthma.. Scared to take her to the vet. Say a prayer for Madi. I hope she'll be okay...

Ill Prepared.

Nothing could have prepared me for this.

This life.

This reality that I live.

Right now.

Life is a beautiful thing, especially now that you are around me. Never would I have guessed that I would be so lucky. 

Now I am here, traveling the world with you, holding your hand. 

I never want to let go. 

When I tell you I'm happy, your reply was that you wanted to make me the happiest. 

How did I get so lucky? 

I thought that making a decision would give me some clarity , but I'm way more confused and overwhelmed than before. 

I have no idea what I'm doing. 

I feel like I'm the person you practice relationships on, so that when something better comes along, you are prepared for the "real deal", "the one".  

The one for the learning curve, but not the one that you would want to be with all the way. 

I pave the way for the better catch. 

Then I start over. 

Big day.

Tomorrow has the potential to be a big day. I've been waiting for it for months. Crossing my fingers that life hands me sweet sweet strawberries. 

Would be the icing on my delicious cupcake of a life. 

Okay enough metaphors. 

One month until holidays!

Can't wait. 

Life is good. 

One can hope, dream and pray that something will become a reality... but the truth of the matter is that timing determines everything. Every time. 

It was never meant to be. 

Cause I'm gonna be free and I'm gonna be fine

Maybe not tonight 

Tears.

People always say that they're busy. But working 40 hours a week isn't exactly a long week. It's below average. 

I just finished day 15 in a row. Maybe that's not very much for some, but it was a lot of a "working mindset". Day after day.

My point is that even after 15 days in a row, I was driving to work and started to tear up. Not because of exhaustion, but from a moment of clarity. Today I realized that I still have the mindset to do anything I put my mind to, and that I'm going to be okay. Life is beautiful, and I am truly blessed for everything I have. It's been a rough few months, but today I was crying from joy. I had many thoughts that this transition was going to destroy what what left of my heart and mind, it didn't. While I was driving, it just dawned on me that everything is going to be okay! I'm so thankful for today, and the opportunity of starting over. Thankful that it is summer again, and that I have so many fun activities to look forward to. I can blast music in my car with the windows down. My ears ring because my music is so loud. I don't care that I don't have a/c, because I throw my left arm into the wind and breathe in the air. Thankful for meeting new people, and reconnecting with people that I've lost touch with. Having a few drinks and doing silly things. Summer brings out the child in me. The hopeful child. 

If I had the chance to go back and change things, I would. Certain elements that were more harm than good. But realistically, it's not possible. And I wouldn't be here, right now, sitting outside enjoying the sunshine , feeling blissful , if it wasn't for every moment leading up to this one. 

Getting tired.

Going onto day 9 of 15 in a row . 

Why do I do this to myself? 

Oh wait, the answer is kind of depressing. 

Today is not a friendly reminder.

Love your mother. 

They won't be here forever. 

Moods.

Then there are those beautiful days when I feel sad. 

I'm not sure why. 

Change is good.

I'm always amazed how quickly life can turn around. As they say, you gota work with what you got. 

What I got, is pretty amazing. 

Perspective is a life changer. 

Feeling blessed today. 

Maybe I'll become a believe again sooner than I thought. 

Truth.

Her mistake had been to put her life on hold while waiting for a man. That's what she had to change. She would learn to be happy on her own. She was smart, and wasn't afraid to work hard. This was the only life she had, and she'd better make the best of it. 

Truth.

Her own loneliness and emotional hunger had allowed her to believe that a handsome , very selfish man was really a charming gentleman in disguise. 

Equilibrium.

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly life goes back to normal, equilibrium. Especially after an event i thought would devastate me for a long time. Sometimes it feels so normal, so fast, that I second guess that the event ever happened. Is that weird? Or do I continue to live in some fantasy world? I can't decide if that is a naive ideal or a mature one. Very conflicting. 

Maybe my heart is finally realizing what my head had aware of for a while. My heart just didn't want to listen. 

Everything happens for a reason, and I feel more content with my life now than I have been in a long time.

I wouldn't have guessed it.

Why does there always have to be one piece missing? Is there ever a time when someone truly has every piece of their life puzzle? 

Deal.

I have come to the conclusion that I need to be more active.

I'm writing this because I want to legitimize my interest to the world.

I'm going to start P90X tomorrow afternoon and follow the regime for the next few weeks. With a new job comes more opportunity for growth, in and out of the workplace . 

I want to be the best I can be. 

I feel the changes approaching and it's really exciting. 

No more.

There have been many times in my life when I've felt that I'm not made for serious relationships . 

There's always that moment. That point. 

It's undeniable and I can't take it back. 

When things are wonderful, and in that moment, that point, the relationship changes forever. It goes downhill. Slowly. Until the toxicity is so unbearable that the relationship has no way to build back up again. Even when I believe it could be "the" relationship, the "last" relationship, the "one" relationship, I screw it up. I push you away, so far, there's no going back. I feel like I really screwed this one up, and I know, in my heart, that there is nothing I can do to fix it.

It's completely broken. 

It makes me uneasy when I think about my future. I really thought he would be my knight in shining armour. The one that I wrote a novel about, so I would never forget our fairy tale.

Now, I can't look at anything without the reminder that life can change in a New York minute, and I'm all alone. 

And lastly reminded that fairy tales do not come true. 

All over now