Friday, September 14, 2012

I want one.

 
New species of monkey found a few years ago. I want one of these to hang out at my apartment and have dinner with me on my balcony. I think they would be a super cool friend to have around. This may be weird, but maybe they would be a good hugger? That's also kind of important. My cat not a very good hugger, except if you consider "arm hugging" a thing. 
He does look like a human with a furry face, but doesn't he look so wise? Understanding?

This picture makes me happy.

I think I would name him...

Lester.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Lips.

I love listening to music so loudly that my voice gets drowned out and I take on the singer's voice from the song. Especially if it's a man voice. In this case I have a sexy man voice singing about angels and the sound of my name.

I love stories.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Wavelengths.

I feel like my love muscles are two separate wavelengths going up and down, fairly parallel to each other. The first wave is my brain and the second is my heart. They rarely cross paths, but when they do, they are equal in that point in time. These thoughts and emotions are instantaneous and are gone before I can think very much into it. So I am left with two wavelengths moving along, not speaking to each other.

My heart wavelength has the greatest variance, my brain stays fairly consistent.

You could see it this way - my brain are the morals and belief system I have followed, and my heart can never get it right. It is only in those fleeting moments when I truly think my feelings are agreeing.

What does this mean?

Does it mean I don't have any idea what I want? Or that my heart is not working to all of its glory with the right person? Or am I too set in my mentality that I cannot see the things standing right in front of me?

They say love is blind, they also say that about the broken hearted... So basically as soon as you put yourself out there, you are not only screwed for the relationship, but if it goes shady, then you are screwed for a long time after too.

I wish I was more consistent.
I also wish I could just get it right.

Metaphors are great for explaining situations, but it also raises more questions. Maybe I should stop using metaphors and comparisons and accept things the way they are and make it work.

Ha, I'm too hopeless for that.
Good idea though.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Dreamin'.

Just wanted to write a bit about my weekend. Out of all the negativity experienced this summer, I want to focus on the positive.

Friday night, I didn't do much other than ridding myself of negative influences. Unfortunately, I still was not feeling my best so I had another terrible sleep.

I woke up bright and early Saturday morning to pack up, make lunch and head to Sauble. It was an absolutely beautiful day although I was exhausted. We made great time and got to the campground around 11:30am. We set up the tiny tent and met up with Jess and Anthony who were next to our site. It was nice because they had the site I had last time. We sat around chatting for a bit, packed up our bags and biked/longboarded down to the beach. It wasn't too overrun with people, and frolicked in the water for a while taking pictures underwear. The waves were quite a bit bigger than normal, and I had a slightly scary moment when my cough mixed with swimming made me struggle for air and needed help. BUT other than that, everything was fine, lol. I started to get really cold, so everyone got out and hung out at the beach and relaxed.

Best underwater photo ever.


I watched a women with terrible parenting skills neglect her daughter, and made it very clear that I was displeased. So by the time we left, she was watching us watch her. We stopped to get some gelato-ice cream and back to the beach. Anthony ate it on his longboard so we had to bandage him up. I did some reading until it was time to head for dinner. We are all incredibly dehydrated so we drank a lot of water and ate quite a bit of food. I was impressed with myself that I ate anything because I was so exhausted.

We headed back to the site and changed into some campfire wear, drank beers (I only had 2 because of my antibiotics), ate smores and discussed/debated about evolution and other random things. I hate knowing the time while I am away (TICO TIME!) so I figured we all headed to bed around 9:30pm, but it was closer to 1am. We were all wearing head lamps, so when Jess and I went to the bathroom to brush our teeth we thought of a funny idea. This, of course, happened after Jessika almost gave herself a nosebleed from smacking herself in the face with the headlamp. Our brillant idea: we tried to sneak up on the boys, and got Jessika's phone, put the strobe-light setting on the headlamp and starting rocking out to dubstep.

It was pretty amazing... and hilarious.

We then all headed to sleep, and I yelled at Anthony to take off his bandage before bed. It seemed that all of us had terrible sleeps - for me, it was just uncomfortable, cold and kept being woken up by other people (ahem, Jess and Anthony) but not for the reasons you are thinking. In the middle of the night Anthony was puking his guts out (we are not sure why) and when they tried to go to their car, they set the car alarm off. It was a great sleep for all..... however, on a bright note, I went the entire night without choking on my cough!

We were all up around 8:00am for various reasons but wanted to spend the entire day at the beach. My nose was already the color of crimson, so actually put some sunscreen on my face. We made a quick breakfast with what we had left and drove downtown so Jess and Anthony could have breakfast. I had some tea that tasted like metal. I thought it would be fun to actually look at real estate, so I picked up a brochure to read at the beach. Anthony had mentioned that there was water trampolines that you could use, so we literally pooled our money together. It was $20.00 per person per 1/2 hour, and we found $78.00 total so they let us go since they knew we really wanted to. They drove us out and started at the first one. A trampoline but "Wipe out" style. We basically all got hurt in one way or another but it wasn't until we went to the SECOND trampoline that we started having a ton of fun. It had a rope swing attached to it so there were flips and jumps being done off of it into the water (actually pretty scary being on slippery plastic with 3 foot waves). I thought I was going to take off my lifejacket, but was very glad I didn't. It was pretty intense.

Some fat dude randomly swam up and wanted to try it. He first ate it by slipping off the platform and nailed his ass on the ladder. Then when he finally did swing, he landed directly on his back and hurt himself again. Needless to say, he didn't try a third time. He just swam away probably slightly embarrassed. It was only supposed to be 30 minutes, but the gave us over an hour because I guess we seemed to be having a good time or something :P. We headed back to shore being very glad that we did it.

We walked through the water and set up our stuff down the beach. I ended up reading the entire real estate book from back to front for about 2 hours. I was getting really excited because I think I could afford a place in Sauble Beach. I think my parents had it right, doing the summer home first. When I think about it, I have no idea where I am going to be working or where I will settle down. However, I do know that I would spend every weekend up north if I had the opportunity, or, I could rent it out for half the summer. It seems like a good idea if I can come up with the down payment. I picked out a few places that I was interested in and we are going to find them if we go back to Sauble next weekend. I think it would perfect for me and gives me something to work toward over the next year or so. I can just imagine how much fun I would have fixing it up and making it my own. I already have ideas.

Had some beach burgers and spent more time in the water, chasing waves and diving under them, being thrown head first over them and riding them into shore. We finished the weekend by relaxing from being exhausted and thinking of the fun we had acting like children all day. It was sad saying goodbye but we had a long drive home. It didn't take me long to fall asleep, and actually slept well.

That's it for me, early to bed early to rise.
I need a new book to read but I think it would be inappropriate to read an Erotica on the way to work...


PS: Breaking Bad made me angry tonight. Walt, you're a dick.
But I can say this, I definitely didn't expect that ending.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Out with a BANG.

I just wanted to say that this was the best weekend of my entire summer. 
I have some wicked photos, UNFORTUNATELY my camera is dead and cannot find the charger anywhere. I have been looking for 30 minutes. 
Maybe it is in my car - I'll look tomorrow. The bikes are finally out of my car so it actually LOOKS like a car (still slightly messy) but you can actually see the back seats now. WOW!

I haven't had a solid sleep in 2 weeks, but maybe tonight will be the first. 
I'm exhausted.
I'll write about it during my procrastination time while training downtown tomorrow.

Night night.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Going to sleep to a happy ending.

Great Quote.

I have been thinking a lot about the direction my life is going, and I came across this quote when making my daily emails to my colleagues:


I think it is fantastic. Saying just push a little more, just one more day, you never know what is going to happen. Hard work pays off.

You can always turn your life around, but play the cards you have been dealt.
I know, easier said than done. But at least it's something to hold on to.





I had my first nightmare about my kitty last night, I woke up balling my eyes out. :( I don't know what I do without my fluff ball cuddled up next to me.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Poof.

I seem to always think of funny things to write about right before I go to sleep and then forget.
Oh well.
On another note, the biggest dilemma I am facing today is what our Dodgeball team should be called.

Here are some of the brainstormed ideas with my colleagues:

The Artful Dodgers
Average Joes
Just Dodgy
Midair Collision!
The Air Balls
OR (my ideas) Way better I think:
Ballz-inga
Not in the face (found this one online and burst out laughing) 
 It's going to be a similar team as last season, but some new faces. I'm super excited for Thursdays again, it was so much fun. I am looking forward to throwing spongey balls at strangers faces... soooooo stress relieving. I'm trying to remind myself any way I can of the perks of having this low paying job. This is definitely one of them.

Oh, and our underwater Octopushy team that won gold last week (don't ask if you don't know). That was pretty stellar too. Most companies will give you a pat on the back or some lame prize. But my company? 15 free drinks!! Boo yeah! Solid night.


Further, I have a poker tournament on Thursday which I am totally going to kick some Flightie ASS at. There is pretty good money up for grabs. 

Man, then Friday I am heading up to Sauble for the weekend. It's going to be a good week!

Of course, minus the vomit parties from my dry cough and the very expensive prescription I am on. But that's okay! Minor detail...

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Wicked Witch.

Story #1:
So the newest person that entertained the office was a woman that looked a great deal like the wicked witch, but with worse teeth, a criminal record, and an amazing cackle. When you think of cackle (ie: Snow White, Wizard of Oz), that is the sound came out of her mouth when she laughed (which was often).

Side note:  I forgot the name of the Wizard of Oz, so I looked up "No place like home" in Google, and it's actually a sex education website as well.

She wanted a trip to Berlin because she wanted to see THE BEST BAND EVER IN CONCERT: Green Day. The only other bands good in concert (to her standard) were Rolling Stones and All-American Rejects. She was prepared to spend $5000.00 for 5 days to Berlin. She wasn't sure if she was going to get her passport in time, and said she wasn't allowed to cross the US border, but she just sold her house and had a lot of money.

She definitely was an interesting personality, and laughed at everything that came out of her own mouth. Her gap-tooth made me lick my own front teeth to ensure I didn't look like that. We all just looked at each other with amazement that people get through life thinking they are normal. But I just found it all entertaining.

Story #2:
I can sum this up quickly. He wanted to take an empty car battery on board with him.
I don't think I need to say any more.

Actually, I do.
He ended up going to Value Village and picking up an electric wheelchair (for $42) so he can check the wheelchair and use the batteries in that and no one will question it. (this was not advised by anyone in the office, but a brilliant idea I must say).
I can't be sure what he is going to do with said battery, but hopefully he doesn't blow up the plane because this is now on the internet and can get traced back to me.

Oh well.
Worth the story.



Thursday, August 9, 2012

Oh yes, and stairs.
How could I forget stairs.

Butt.

I had an interesting epiphany today while I was at head office.

About butts.

I know people say chivalry is dead, however men hold open the door for me all the time, and let me walk first. Same with the elevator.
How nice.

I realized that you can tell if a man is a "butt guy" if he holds open the door or elevator or lets you walk first ever. It's apparently so gentlemanly, but they are just butt watchers.

I do acknowledge that I have a nice bottom so it makes more sense why people are so nice to me.

Just wanted to shed light on the truth behind door openers.

Also, wanted to note that this is tragic.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

New Album.

I have been a fan of The Temper Trap for a little while now, but am a little disappointed in their new album. I find it a little boring.
I'm going to see them tonight, and hopefully their new stuff will amaze me more live.

My voice and lungs have almost had enough of this dry cough that I have. I hope it doesn't get worse after tonight - I was thinking of selling the tickets but know I would regret it if I did.

I won't have my dancing partner for Fader, but I will deal.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Tricky...

I wanted to shed light on a moral dilemma I've been having with myself over the past couple days.

One of my clients, well he's quite old. No, no, I'm not thinking I should marry him until he drops...

Well.
That's not my biggest concern.

Now that I do think about it, he smokes A LOT and has made clear he has money to burn...

No, no. Back to my original point.
Focus now.

I have spent quite a bit of time planning his trip, and yes, I did make quite a bit of money on him. But when I make that much money on someone I feel bad about it (I'm not meant to be in sales). He has now called or came in everyday trying to take me out for lunch as a thank you. It's not exactly a "big whoop" if I go for lunch, but I am questioning 2 things:
1. Is he thinking I am going to be his young arm candy?
(more so this one) 2. Am I taking advantage of this situation by saying "you're welcome" for helping him, when I should be the one saying "thank you for the huge addition to my paycheck"?

I lied to him on the phone today saying I brought lunch (when I didn't) because I feel awkward around him. Like, I'm avoiding a date I don't want to go on.

I told him I would call next week to plan a time, but I reallllly don't want to.

It's going to be pulling on me all weekend.
What a struggling life I lead.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Presents.

Even though it was bad of me, I drove home after having a few drinks last night.

I know, I know... slap on the wrist for Katy.

I just wanted to note how ridiculously drunk I get when I drink beer. Give me hard liquor, I'm good to go for hours. However, when a beer is in my hand, I am a mess.
Case in point, last summer on Brandon's birthday. You can go back and read about it if you want to shake your head with disgust and amazement.

Karma for drinking and driving (a little):

My wonderful cat loves me so much.
SO MUCH that she left 2 presents in my room for my arrival. One giganto puke pile on my white duvet cover and another one underneath my desk chair. It now looks like there is a poop stain across my bed. It grosses me out.

After rubbing my cat's face in her presents, I passed out real nice and woke up WIDE AWAKE at 6:00am. I realized that I had been sleeping with my mouth open (very attractive), and after a night of drinking, I was incredibly dehydrated. As soon as I got out of bed, I felt dizzy and realized that I was still drunk. I had some tap water and passed out again, and almost missed my alarm for work.
When I finally did wake up, I noticed the other present sitting on my bed that one of my client's gave me on Monday. Noo, no poop stains (quite the opposite). He got me a travel size kit with shampoo, conditioner, deodorant and body wash! Very sweet.
You wonder why would I bring up the fact that my clients adore me... other than wanting to bring up the fact that my clients adore me.... but ALSO because they think I need a refresher (ha!) on personal hygiene.

Very ironic.
So, the point of my story.

The guy who brought it in, not only brought in the gift, but also brought his incredibly foul smelling personal odor. This guy probably has never been with a woman (he's 45) and never was introduced to "Showering for Dummies" (<--- not actually a book, but a BRILLIANT idea that should be given to anyone that:
A. covers up their stink with other foul odors, like bad cologne
B. does not shower
C. [most common] thinks using deodorant is "unethical")

Ha, I make myself laugh. I wonder if I can copyright that idea so no one makes a gag gift and makes millions off it.

Anyways, should get back to work. Just wanted to share one of my ironic adventures in travel, without having anything to do with travel (ironic in its own words).



Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Random Awesomeness.

I used to be funny. I used to joke around all the time and be an idiot because that's what I did best.

I was calm, collected and cool. And stupid.

A witty titty as I used to call myself.

What hawppened?

Instead, I grew up a bit and stopped joking endlessly. I stopped putting myself in compromising situations and stopped writing about them. Very unfortunate for anyone that has known me for a while and knew what a treat I used to be.

I used to be "the coolest girl I've ever met" and "I wish my girlfriend was like you" and "how can I be more like you" friend. Okay, maybe the last part isn't true, but I have been told the others.

I think it's because I call people out on their shit (even if it's judgmental) , I don't act fake (except on purpose) and tell people the truth (unless they are annoying). 

OHHHH..
So that explains why I have more guy friends! - because they can handle my confidence (or rudeness).
  (less girl friends because they take me as a threat or just a bitch. Definitely the ladder.)

I think I have been hiding behind my "grown up" side, and less focused on the fun asshole I used to be. Risky, spontaneous, stupid. The one that encouraged you to do stupid things with me - especially sexual things in very public places, just to make you uncomfortable. I take pride in people's uncomfort (<<-- not a word, but I'm using it). Life is much more fun when you're not serious about it.

A perfect example is when people have sex while skydiving.
I haven't done this...
Yet.

I actually don't think it's legal and may be considered public indecency. I would take that risk.
This is something I would push you into doing, or push you out of (the airplane) in this case.

Going out with a bang while banging.
Epic.

I've procrastinated all day. This, plus reading sarcastic blogger's makes me like this.
My apologies for the randomness....

(Or awesomeness to some).




Monday, July 30, 2012

Wondering.

Hmm.

I'm trying to figure out the true reason why I didn't go for the interview last week. It has been pulling on me ever since.
I definitely think there are numerous reasons that come into play why it was a good and bad idea. However I think this picture sums up what I was thinking deep down.

Have I really changed that much? I never used to be the person who closed off new opportunities - I used to jump in front of them and not take no for an answer. I feel like I was right all along and these 9-5 jobs are life suckers and ruiners. Maybe serving wasn't the most rewarding job on the face of the planet, but I had the thing that I am realizing means more to me than the rest - time.
Time to sleep in, time to go on holidays (even if I wasn't paid), time to sit by the pool or water for the afternoon.
I was not counting down the days until I have a day off.
I miss the good ol' days of making a ton of money, having a good time and doing whatever I wanted. If I wanted to go skydiving, I didn't have to save up for 2 months. If I wanted to go on a trip I didn't have to worry about opening a savings account so I could afford it 6 months from now.
I went to work, and made cash dollars. If I wanted to go skydiving it was one Friday night. If I wanted to go on a trip, I didn't get discounts but only took a couple weeks to save up. If I wanted to spoil myself and buy myself something I didn't need, I COULD.

Sigh.

I wish I could be a student forever. Fuck real people jobs- they suck.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

I'm really tired of being the fool every time.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Wall.

I'm looking at my wall which says "love conquers all" across it.
Hmm. Does it? Does it really? We don't live 50 years back when love really could conquer all. Soulmates was a term people didn't scoff at - they believed. No second guessing, no questions.

It just was fact.
What happened?

When did the times change from courting to dating with games? I really do feel that I want the simple kind from back before I was born because I know that is the type that lasts.

I'm going to go to bed thinking about whether love truly conquers all in our society today, or if it is now just a fantasy.





Love can fade and can completely go away. Usually it never reaches the same heights again. Why do people choose to take this risk when you have it right the first time?


Saturday, July 14, 2012

Waiting.

I have been watching sad and romantic movies to make myself cry. No matter what, I cannot make myself do it.
I feel like its the right thing to do in these situations, but this time around I can't do it.

I guess I'm not losing anything.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

The most flawless trip i could ever dream of... Part 1

Right now I am sitting on a cliff at a cafe in the town of Fira on Santorini island drinking a frappe, listening to Greek music, watching the donkeys saunter past, and of course loving every moment of my present existence. This trip has truly been too good to be true and exceeded all expectations. In saying that, I want to note that I have wanted to go on this trip for many years past, and my expectations were through the roof. The people, culture, food, history and scenery have taken my breath away everyday and makes me never want to leave this amazing country.

The thought of leaving makes my nose and eyes tingle because it is so close to the end.

Life is so different here - it is slower and modest, and people are instantly treated as family. The day I arrived on the island of Syros, I automatically relaxed and felt more like myself. I thought it would take days, or even the entirety of my trip to feel relaxed. But on these islands, you cannot be anything but that and thankful for being led to such a beautiful place.

I could sit here everyday if I was able.

Now that I have given the thesis of my trip, I should start at the beginning and how it all unfolded to where I am sitting eight days later. I still have a couple days left, but I will be back in Athens. I felt like writing now because of the music serenading me, and it is quite suiting to my feelings of inner peace and contentment.

Day 1 - Toronto - Brussels - Athens
After going to work for 5 hours, My holiday started by going home and packing. I thought I was very short of time so i was rushing - as most people do everyday in Toronto. I took a cab and got through baggage and security in the entirety of 10 minutes. I called my boss and told her that 3 hours before departure was complete bs. I got a very blueberry muffin and tea, and was one of the last to get on the plane. Why spend more time in cramped courters and recycled air? I was going to do it for 11 hours.

Sidenote: while I am writing this, some woman is screaming in a foreign language about her donkey.

What an ass. Lol, pun.

Anyways, I boarded the plane, thankful I booked a window seat for both flights. I sat beside a woman that did not speak a word of English, but was very sweet to me. I always pop a couple Gravol, wear a sleeping mask and earplugs and sleep as much as I can to pass time. This lady beside me got me snacks while I was sleeping and woke me up for dinner. I was absolutely starving so I ate all of the chicken-potato-veggie concoction they brought out. The television in front of the lady beside me did not get any brighter, so I tried to help her and communicate through hand motions. This communication got me through the entire trip! The lights were dimmed early to get people adjusted to the time change, so I watched a few Friends episodes and New Girl before the Gravol ensured I could not stay awake any longer. It was probably the most uncomfortable plane ride I had ever encountered, but I managed to pass the time. Before I knew it, we were making our stop in Brussels. It was raining but green, green, green. I knew that I was in a different country. I thought I was going to miss my connection, and the lady beside me pushed me ahead of as many people as possible. I started to run, when I realized I had my time change wrong and had an hour longer than i thought. Oops - what an idiot. I walked around the airport surrounded by Belgian chocolate (I resisted surprisingly), grabbed a smoothie and had another difficult time telling someone the time - so I used my hands to motion 8-4-0 and gave the thumbs up, and she did it back.

It was a very short stopover, so we were back in the air in no time. I sat beside these 2 young boys who were dowsed in a cologne that I have smelt before and not fond of. I curled up in a ball and slept for the full three hours to Athens - with my face in my sweater.

From the airplane, Athens doesn't look like much. It's very dry and brown. I was still a little drowsy so I tried to wrap my head around the fact that I was in Greece. It should've been a YAYYYYY!!! But was more like a whoop. Thank goodness everything was in Greek and English, because I had only read over a few words in my little book. My bag was one of the last out - my biggest fear when traveling. I navigated my way to the metro (subway) and was thankful that I had a map with directions, in English. There were a bunch of fresh people getting on the metro and no one knew where they were going. We all just hopped onto one and hoped for the best. I figured, what was the worst that could happen? I met a fellow Canadian from Manitoba and a guy from the states that had no idea where they were going. We all just chatted until we got off at our stops. I walked a few blocks out of the way and got slightly lost, but ended up finding my way to the hotel. I learned very quickly that pedestrians do not have the right-of-way and to look both ways, twice, before crossing. Also, I had never seen so many motorcycles, mopeds, vespas, scooters in one place - this became the norm as the trip progressed. I got my hotel key and walked into the smallest room I had ever seen. The view was gorgeous - a wall and air conditioner. I didn't keep the window open.

Day 2 - Four corners of the world.

I took a nap for a bit before meeting everybody for the first time at 630pm. It was a very eclectic bunch- all ages and continents. I was the only one from Canada, three from the US, one from Germany, one from New Zealand, five from Australia, one guide from Slavania and two from Greece. Wowzers. After a brief stop back to our rooms, we all ventured out together down the winding streets for dinner at a locally ran Greek restaurant. I don't think I had ever been in such a small place. This is when names were matched to faces and starting to get to know each other. We ordered some local Greek wine, which I thoroughly enjoyed and shared some tapas. I ordered a Greek inspired pasta, which I ate in entirety because I was so hungry. The first meal was a success and delicious, even through the language barriers. Wine is as cheap as water, so we sat and enjoyed some political discussions of Greece and other European countries, and learned about the Euro. A few of us were not ready to call it a night so Theo took us around the town and we sat at a cool bar that sat on a slant and was situated right below the Acropolis, which is lit up at night. It was a beautiful evening. We drank some Mythos, one of the local beers and continued discussion on politics and other subjects. We definitely spent a lot of time talking about politics because it was the eve of the election. Everyone knows the turmoil that Greece has faced over the past year, so I am happy that we were around. (I'll continue this part later). We witnessed a waiter dump an entire tray of drinks on a table, finished our drinks and headed back to the hotel because we had to leave at 600am. I was blown away by the amount of graffiti in the city - I had never seen so much before. Galia (Germany) said that this was typical for Europe. I settled into my single room and went to sleep.

Day 3 - Athens - Syros

Although it wasn't a very long sleep, I actually slept quite well and woke up at 545am. I got all my stuff together and very sleepily went downstairs. I was the last person to meet, as per usual, and walked towards the metro. It was amazing how busy the city was so early in the morning. We took the metro for about 30 minutes toward the ferry that would take us to the island of Syros. Galia gave me a hat that she bought the day before on the way because it was so incredibly bright. We stood around waiting for boarding, and started talking to Bex (NZ) for the first time. This was a trip she was treating herself to for her upcoming birthday, and then moving to London to start a new chapter... All the while, only bringing a backpack to do it. I had a lot of respect for her because there are not many people that can move half way around the world with a single backpack strapped to their shoulders.

We loaded the ferry and dropped off our luggage. We walked up to the back deck and got settled. It was a perfect morning.

I went to get some tea and a Greek breakfast item that was a pastry with feta inside. It was quite tasty. As we pulled out of the harbor, it was getting much clearer that I was in a different world. The view of Athens and the cool ocean breeze was absolutely wonderful.

We sat around for a bit and chatted - getting to know Ashley, Sarah, Galia and Bex. Kris came over and told us a brief history of the formation of Greece from 5000BC onwards. I have never been into history, so I didn't realize the extent of the importance of ancient Greece. Most importantly, democracy. But I soaked up every word and learned alot.

We started playing cards, first some asshole (which is a universal game apparently) and hearts (which I wasn't very good at). Cards and talking made the 3 hour ferry ride much more enjoyable. We walked up to the front to get some freah air and see if we could go hang out with the captain. We sent Bex to use her hot accent to win him over. Unfortunately it didn't work. This was when I realized how blue blue blue the water was - not the turquoise you see many places, but a dark clear blue, a color I had never seen before. We watched as we got closer to Syros island and when we came around to the harbor, my breath was blown away. Such a peaceful, beautiful town situated on a hill with churches at its peaks. Picturesque. Words cannot describe the feeling of peace and happiness that gripped my soul at that very moment. I knew it would be an unforgettable trip, and wouldn't want to leave.

We pulled up into the harbor and was amazed how the captain could whip around the boat and land it perfectly stern out by the harbor. This was not a small ferry. We rounded up our things and walked out and toward our hotel. It was about a 5 minute walk. Our hotel was situated in a square with bakeries, restaurants and markets. Bex and I decided to be roomies, so we got our key and headed to the second floor. The room wasn't much, but the view from our gigantic balcony faced onto the square, bustling with busy life. It was fantastic! Everyone was pretty tired but went on the orientation walk around the "downtown" area to familiarize ourselves. Once we got to city hall, we sat at a small little local place as a group. The people working there put up umbrellas all around us to block us from the sun. The view and the atmosphere was pretty cool. There were little kids playing soccer beside us and I was tempted to get up and join them.

Theo and Kris ordered food for the entire table so we could test and try many different dishes. This became a theme of the trip. I don't think there was any better way to try Greek cuisine. Dishes upon dishes were brought out, and I tried and loved every item. I was stuffed by the time we had finished. The owner brought out a dessert (I forget what it was called) but we were trying to figure out what it reminded us of. Sarah put it best by calling it "gingerbread jello". It was quite delicious. Getting free food or drinks also became a theme of the trip as well.

We divided up the bill and had free time for the rest of the day. Bex and I walked around for a bit and stopped in one of the only stores open during siesta. Siesta is the time of day around 12-5pm that everyone basically says f-u work, and goes to drink at a local bar etc. I tried on a few long dresses which would never fit me back home, but Greek woman are shorter so they didn't hit the ground! Everything was super see through so I didn't get anything. I purchased a really tacky towel since it was the only thing I had forgotten, looked at some postcards, tried Rose flavored sweets (the worst thing on the planet) and headed back to the hotel to get ready for beach time.

Syros wasn't exactly known for their beaches, so when we weaved (got lost) down to "the beach" it was made of connecting concrete platforms.We roasted in the sun for a bit, but it was getting close to dinner time so we headed back to our hotel on a much more direct route than on the way there. Bex had a strange sense of direction even if she had never been down those roads before in her life!

Back at the hotel, I struggled with the stupid shower head because in Europe.. they are stupid. They don't turn the right way and are the worst water pressure. I basically showered against the wall because it was the only place it would point. So by the time I got out I was frustrated and cold, ha. We got ready for dinner and were the last to meet everyone once again. We met everyone at City Hall and walked a short distance to the restaurant we had a group dinner at. We shared wine, fried cheese and sun dried tomatoes (oh my god, so good) and had chicken souvlaki which wasn't quite as good as I had hoped. Mostly because it was served with rice AND potatoes. Talk about starch overload. We were brought free dessert that was similar to a soft creme brulee, which I was tempted to have two but resisted. Everyone sat around chatting for a little while, mostly about the election that happened earlier that day. It was an interesting time to be there because the minority had become the majority. This was important since it showed that the Greeks were tired of how it was being run with all the turmoil going on.

Once back at the hotel, I stood outside on the balcony for a while, watching/hearing all the people on their bikes going by. We had an early morning to prepare for.

End of Part 1.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Vino.

Nothing beats a bottle of wine at 4am to get a few hours of sleep.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Anger Management.

So I joined an anger management class.

It is known to some as Dodgeball.

There is something incredibly soothing about whipping a ball at a stranger's face. I can honestly say that I wish it was more than once a week.

That may make me a bad person, but try it. You will completely understand.

On a different topic, TGIF!!! I am doing shit-all at work today since I won't be back for almost a week. I'm ready to burn my skin and drink as much as I want. I'm even going to sport a new bathing suit, which I am going to go pick up today at lunch.

Bahamas, here I come.

:)

I hope it thunderstorms tonight so I can watch it over the lake.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Dazed and Confuzzled.

My motivation is almost approaching zero. I have felt sick to my stomach for almost a week and cannot get rid of it. I am very easily put down lately, and my attitude and my waist line are dwindling away. Maybe my stomach hurts because I am hungry, or I am still so disgusted at how things worked out. I always strive to succeed and do not take disappoint well. I like to think that I get what I want when I want it, and I can do anything I set my mind to.

However, the cherry to my very dry and tasteless cupcake happened today when I went in for the highly anticipated interview, and came out feeling low, defeated, and just awful. In retrospect, it would have been better to wait until I am not such an emotional hurricane, but I felt like it was what I needed to get back on my feet again.

Wrong.

After yesterday's 12 hour day of a lot of work and no pay off, plus making a gigantic error that is going to cost me upwards of $1400.00, my confidence was lower than the low of last week. That is seriously saying something. I am starting to realize that all the trips and the things I work hard for are for nothing because I cannot be satisfied with my reality of my shit ton life. Sure, I could move somewhere else and run away from the unhappiness that I create, or I could just be satisfied being unsatisfied. I have faith in people and life that things work out and that happiness is #1 and I am going to get everything I want.

Wrong.

I would usually delete every memory of what makes me feel this way, but I have planted photos and reminders everywhere so I do not get false hope in happiness and love and life. This is important for me to realize that my confidence was a sham and I am no better than the average person. I have no idea why I have felt like that for the past few years.

I think I just did this to make myself feel better about being a terrible and judgmental human being. Expecting people to give me the world because I tried to be everything I could be. Pretending that my average looks and non-existent independence meant that I was better than everyone, and deserved things that I did not. When in reality, I am probably more screwed up and emotionally unstable than the average person, and on top of that, a terrible person to my core.

Correct.

I am someone that can never fully be what someone needs, that I am just "eh", not "wow". Proof is shown time and time again that I am nothing very special and not someone you want your family to meet. I mean, I don't really have a family, or friends, or a job I enjoy, or passion for anything in particular.

Correct.

So far, 2012 has been a stupid and depressing year. I have tried to fill my thoughts of the summer and how happy I am during it, but if I have no one to share it with, what is the point. I would like to find someone to share my time with. Unfortunately, I just do not think I will ever been good enough to keep someone around.

Proven.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Crying.

I had a great day yesterday, followed by the worst day in my Flight Centre career.
I made a huge error...

I want to cry and crawl into a hole for a while. My vacation cannot come soon enough.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Good day.

I had a short but solid sleep. A beer before bed has been my savior for the past few nights (or numerous).
I got spoiled at work - I had clients today that bought everyone coffee, my hot Australian is going home so he got us all bottles of wine and chocolates as a thank you . I wish I was going with him.
Sat on a patio almost getting blown away, luckily I got out of work early so got to enjoy the afternoon weather. I watched Game of Thrones (good episode) and even went grocery shopping! All I need now is a new bikini, some tanning time and I am ready for the Bahamas. I got my itinerary today and I am literally going to be sitting on a beach for four days getting burnt and enjoying myself. Only 6 more days until I am lounging on a beach soaking in the rays. It's amazing how better I feel simply by the weather. I was jamming out yesterday and today with the windows down and the hair blowing in my face.
It's been a good day.

Shirt.

A little perverted but I want a t-shirt that says Orgasm Donor on it.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Big Guns.

Yesterday I had my first big booking. $16,000 booking. Pretty spectacular! I was super nervous and my hands were shaking because I thought I was going to come off like a inexperienced consultant (which I totally am) but it went completely flawless. Knock on wood.
It's pretty amazing how much money people spend on travel. I wish they were not so few and far between or I could actually make decent money at this job.
Only one more day of work and I am off to Victoria for a long weekend. It's a long overdue visit. I am in need of some relaxation!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Global Warming.

I hate to say it, but I love the fact that global warming is progressively getting worse. I know, it's awful - there are many polar bears that are struggling for survival etc etc... however, I hate the winter, so for me, it works.

(I am choosing to be naive).

I truly am a different person when the weather is nice. Maybe my Vitamin D levels were incredibly low, as well as my spirits. I feel that there are very few things that could put a damper on my mood lately. Even after having a 10 hour shift yesterday, I went home with the windows down and went for a 45 minute jog. I almost died because I am still a little out of shape, but I could not stop moving. I did not want to go and sit at home if the sun was still shining on my face. It didn't hurt that I was jamming out to my music. I even got honked at 3 times. Like seriously? I'm all gross when I am jogging, not the most attractive of moments. Oh well, still helped lift my spirits. I definitely pulled a muscle and walking with a slight limp, but I do not care. I'm too positive to be negative.

I feel so motivated to keep busy - I even go to bed at a decent time so I can wake up early and enjoy the morning with my cat. This is in comparison to me normally falling out of bed 30 minutes before my shift. Further, I did all my dishes for the last couple weeks (gross I know) while watching the finale of Walking Dead. Have to say - I was a little disappointed. Not quite the epic ending that I expected.

I feel different, I feel happy and content with my life. It hasn't been this way for months, so I am glad to be back to myself. I took a long walk at lunch, more like a stroll (hands in my pocket, in no rush), down to Subway today and sat in a park on a bench. I just love being warm all over. It makes me so happy. The grass is starting to become green again too - it is so lovely.

I am looking forward to sitting on patios for the next few days, and being warm and probably burning my skin. Apparently they have been crazy busy over the past few days.

Victoria next week. Oh man. So excited.. I should buy a camera. Too bad I don't have any money!!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

42 Minutes.

It took exactly one Mumford & Sons album to drive from Guelph door to Toronto door. I thought that was pretty cool how it worked out. I finally picked up my mail from Guelph, which turned out to be around 30 envelopes. Considering it has been at least 8 months since I got my mail, I was quite relieved to know that I do not owe any company an obscene amount of money. On the contrary, I actually received hundreds of dollars of government money. Woo!
I'm glad I went - it seems that I know more people in Guelph than I thought. St. Patty's Day was a good day to go, lots of people going back to visit. I did feel quite old though when I first arrived, everybody looks so young and a lot of them, quite tragic looking. But once the drinks were a-flowin, I felt like a student again. Plus, I can always count on Guelph to boost my self-esteem, random people calling out at you left, right and center -- good for the confidence.

I feel good - it's been a great weekend.
Just what I needed.
I was even wearing shorts all night and did not get cold!

Having sushi may not have been the prime choice for lunch after a hefty night of drinking, but oh well.
Mmm, naptime.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Pathetic.

Lol.

I started reading some of my old (really old and more current) entries about my numerous past relationships that I have publicly written about. I have been shaking my head and laughing at myself for about 20 minutes. I have found a general theme of my entries after a break up, and do not want to continue it. It is actually quite predictable.

How can I put it...
Metaphoric stupidity?
Contemptuous pity?
Lacking love?


Those could all fit quite nicely and are repeatedly seen in the majority of my entries. I first started a blog in 2003 (katrinee.blogspot.com) for the sole purpose of writing down all of the daily happenings of my life, interesting or not. This was grade 11 for goodness sake. Considering it was just after my mom died, I still made ridiculous jokes and made up words on a daily basis. It would take me an hour or two a day to write about my bus ride and how many tests I did not pass in high school. This was around the time that I found out I was moving to Ontario permanently. I enjoy going back to revisit myself as a youngen, but I truly have not changed that much.

I am now just rambling off, but I did have a point of writing this.

I may have not changed very much as a person, definitely still the spoiled and self-centered type, however my writing has changed drastically. This has probably stemmed from the fact that I put so much of my energy into my relationships, that once they fall apart I become more negative and angsty. I have done numerous amazing things over the past few years, yet never took the time to write about them (I do have the memory of a goldfish). However, I have invested much of my time saying rude and hurtful (public) things about people I have dated.

The question is, what is the point?
Has it made me feel better writing these things?
Temporarily.

I do not think I want temporary fixes anymore, well certain ones are okay. :p

I have Victoria, Bahamas and Greece to look forward to.
Let's focus on that.

Honey.

Nothing lasts forever - except honey. My relationships are never as sweet as honey.

You're probably right - maybe I am meant to be alone.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Great

Oh this is familiar...

Addiction 2 Katy 0

Friday, March 2, 2012

Blue Mazda 3.

My little box of joy.

My car was parked after I probably shouldn't have been driving.

I sat in my car tonight and just screamed lyrics to songs at full blast - my ears are now ringing. I don't feel like I can just get out my frustration many other ways.
Sometimes I just want to put music on and drive until I cannot drive anymore - who knows where it will take me. But I don't really care at the moment as long as its away from the life I live right now.

I just want to scream and sing and look stupid from passer-byers because at least I can be myself for once.

I need to get out.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

I Like.

Mix work and pleasure. Then give it a shake.

Friday, February 10, 2012

La la la la la.

I am at the eye doctor and in a couple minutes my eyes will be so dilated that I won't be able to see phone anymore. However I just wanted to note how much I love dating someone who sings all the time. I usually sing so much but I love the sound of your voice that I don't want to drown it out with my terrible vocals.
Last night we went to a old-person karaoke bar.... The croc rock in Toronto. Brandon may have been much more drunk than me, and was interested in singing. He liked the playlist so much he took a copy with him home. He sang me one of my favorite songs by Coldplay - Yellow. By the second time he went up, he had groupies calling his name. Pretty funny.
I think I will surprise him one say and sing him a song at a really busy karaoke bar.. :)

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Storytime. While Working.

READY
2:58:17 PM me
??
2:59:58 PM me
there once was a tree that couldnt grow leaves
3:00:38 PM Brandon
It was the only one in the whole forest
3:00:51 PM Brandon
as long as it could remeber, it was leafless
3:01:34 PM me
all his friends around him made fun of him and called him...
3:03:19 PM Brandon
douglas fir-less
3:04:50 PM me
poor dougy didn't know what was wrong with him!
3:05:06 PM me
he tried everything
3:05:21 PM me
he drank as many raindrops as possible
3:05:33 PM me
kept warm through the winter
3:05:41 PM me
nothing worked!
3:06:36 PM Brandon
he even tried tree-roids
3:06:51 PM Brandon
despite the potential side effects
3:07:09 PM me
lol
3:07:17 PM me
(damn them roids)
3:07:51 PM me
he wondered if it was because his roots were crossed
3:08:53 PM Brandon
they were horribly tangled. But he continued to grow as tall as the other trees
3:09:27 PM me
but his lack of confidence was seen in his droopy branches
3:09:39 PM Brandon
almost as tall as treebeard, lord of the trees
3:10:35 PM me
one day, he snapped (not literally)
3:10:40 PM me
!!
3:11:40 PM Brandon
and declared that he would no longer be leafless by the end of the next summer
3:12:21 PM me
he pondered the best approach, because it was this or nothing!
3:12:41 PM me
by the end of winter, he decided and went for it.
3:13:05 PM me
he pulled his roots and swung around too and fro
3:13:17 PM me
branches snapping but he didnt care
3:13:38 PM me
he heard a "yelp!" and stopped moving so muhc
3:14:21 PM me
it was this moment that he realized that he had been rooted to another tree, budding on all branches, so beautiful and strong (lol. Doug noticed that not only were his roots tangled with the tree's roots beside him, but they seemed to go comepletely underneath, and off into the forest
me
that was so random
3:59:25 PM Brandon
what was?
3:59:36 PM Brandon
im going off what you said
3:59:41 PM me
lol this story doesnt make alot of sense
3:59:50 PM Brandon
but i didnt really understand what you said
4:01:50 PM me
the moment that dougy realized the beautiful tree that he was connected to, his branches lifted and angelic music was all around him
4:05:48 PM me
his question was answered in that moment and buds began to show
4:06:06 PM me
the sun started shining on him and his leaves grew large and bright
4:06:18 PM me
brighter than all the other trees in the forest
4:06:29 PM me
for the first time, he was the center of attention
4:07:59 PM me
the female tree turned around and was attracted to the tree that was so bright and said hello.
4:08:21 PM me
they created small little fir trees and kept them warm through the winter
4:08:32 PM me
(fir trees - kept them warm) haha punny?
4:08:36 PM me
THE END

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Fuckernutter.

I was packing and found my skydiving video. Yay!!!

Unfortunately it has been at the bottom of said bag without a case and now is so scratched that it won't play.
Definitely no so yay.

It's actually scratched to shit... Hmmm I wonder if there is a special cloth that cleans up scratches... I believe there is. Another thing added to the agenda. I will deal with it after my mini vacation to New York. I cannot wait to leave this city and see my bb on the other side. :)

This is definitely needed... For both of us.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Over it.

I wish this never happened to me... I just want things to go back to normal. I'm getting increasingly more paranoid and sensitive to certain things.
I feel like there is still a constant shadow lurking beside me that will not go away. I don't appreciate the constant reminders everyday. It seems that every time you go away something happens that I have to deal with on my own. I'm tired and just want a break from it all. It's getting too much for my already emotional instability to take.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Love (should) conquer all.

As soon as I put myself out there, it all seems to blow up in my face. What is the fucking point if I can never win? I really thought I was happy. But lately I have gone right back to my previous feelings of not being good enough. I feel like everything I have done to make things better came crashing down on me after you lie last week. Why do I even bother?

You're right - its stupid to have irrational dreams.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Poem-esque.

I have not written you a poem, nor do I have the eloquence in writing to make this happen.
That's your specialty.
Here is my attempt at something flowing.

I admit that things between us started off pretty rocky, mostly stemming from your stupidity in one way or another. However I feel that things have dramatically changed for the better (or best) and am incredibly happy for the first time in a while. You have been absolutely lovely during this difficult time for me, and I couldn't ask for anything more. Just in case I don't tell you enough how much I appreciate you, I'm doing this so you can see it over and over again. If someone asked us a year ago whether we ever saw this happening, we would've had the same reply. Now, starting a new year, I can't see it any other way.


Okay fine....
Untitled poem.

I may be stubborn as can be,
But there is something special about you that sets me free.

We have had our low points, that I know,
But I can only feel that our love will continually grow.

Numerous plans for the future involving travel, laughs and fun,
New York, Europe, snowboarding lessons and frying in the sun.

You know that I cannot stand us ever being apart,
And I know that I will continue to love you each moment from the bottom of my heart.

There are no limits this year for you and me,
As long as it involves happiness, comfort and love, then forever thankful I shall be.


I love you bb.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Ying Yang.

I would really love to stream line my thoughts and emotions. They seem to be so scattered and inconsistent. I am confident in my decision, yet I have the ability to see the other side. It seems to be a 90-10 split... If you want to talk statistically speaking. It is the "what ifs" that confuse me, the unknowns that I would have to live with, no matter the decision I make. I think I would prefer to take the 90 and question the 10, than take the 10 and question the 90.
The saying is " go with your gut ". In this case, I am going against my gut and following my gut. I doubt this will make sense to any outsider reading this, but I suppose that is the point.
I am satisfied that my life is the way it's meant to be. I couldn't ask for anything more. I have been given a fork-in-the-road, and I may not be doing the right thing, but I am confident that I am taking the right road to a bright and happy future. There isn't anyone else I would rather do this with.

I think that is enough analogy and metaphors for one entry. Good night.

La la la!

There are carol-ers in our office right now. Hilarious.

Today's been a good day.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Spectrum.

Shock.

Denial.

Surreal.

Sadness.

Surreal.

Loneliness.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Good Point.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/story/2011/12/09/bc-ticketscancelled.html

Let me know if you need my contact details. :)

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Bangin.

I'm starting to get used to having bangs and I like it. They are definitely more maintenance than I like, but I get compliments all the time.
Actually, I have been told by 3 different people in the last 2 weeks that I look like a younger Demi Moore. I really don't see it but I guess that a compliment. I've never been told that before so it must be the bangs.
I am presently watching St. Elmos Fire and I still don't see it.

Oh well.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

2.

I hate December 2nd with a passion... I tried to forget about what this day means considering everyone else around me has. However there was a greater force than I can't control nor explain that made me sit there and think about today and what this day means.
My car ran out of gas... Much much sooner than anticipated. I cannot find a greater explanation than the one on repeat in my head. I sat there in the middle of the street wondering why on earth it would have happened on a day such as this.
I hate wallowing in self pity.. And I hate the burning sensation behind my eyes when I try not to cry. Unfortunately I couldn't help it and I just want to sleep forever.
Thank you mom. I do remember very well what 8:40 pm means. I remember quite well. So please don't hassle me by stupid coincidences and come back and visit me in my dreams.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

All a Game.

It's like in the games of thrones intro when all the walls are going up. I must be on the final episode. So much for trusting thy enemies.

If you ever think things are too good to be true... You are probably right.

I have so much less patience during this time of the year...

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Nutcracker.

Woot! Officially booked this year's Nutcracker tickets. Pretty great seats for a pretty expensive price. But that's okay! Winter and Christmas feelings begin December 14th. The grinch leaves the building in two weeks.

Tomorrow is the start of a new month, the first legit month where I can actually start making money. We shall see how it goes. I feel like I am getting closer! I did make my first booking last week, which actually was quite exciting for me. I am currently waiting for free dinner and wasting time. I've already been here for 9 hours, might as well stay another hour!

...

Is it weird that I'm looking forward to walking around in the cold tonight with Starbucks? Things are changing and I can't control it.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

What...
Am/...
Was...
I...
Thinking?

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

My Rebuttal.

I would just like to mention that this is MY blog, my entries. A couple special people have commented on what I have written.
My rebuttal.
I don't have to change any of my thoughts. If you don't want to see what I have to say, don't read it. It is very simple. I do not feel bad about being honest, nor do I care if you are hurt. If someone actually makes me want to erase them from my life, I don't want reminders of them. I can say this, I have never deleted all reminders of anyone I have dated. This is a first. I can't say why this is, but I think it has to do with never being so disgusted with someone I thought I cared about... Further, never been so disgusted with myself that I put up with their bullshit for as long as I did. Yes, I feel sick about the entire situation, but not for losing you. I feel sick for losing out on so much time and excitement trying to persuade you that I was everything you needed. I know you will go back to what you find comfortable, and in doing that, you will give away a lot of your self-preservation and integrity. I'm thankful this isn't my concern anymore. You can be an empty shell walking around, I hope that fills your day with the love and happiness you seem to want so badly. Unfortunately you are incapable of being what you want to be.
I really did have hope that you weren't the asshole everyone seems to think you are, but as usual you have proven me wrong. Congratulations, you have lost your one true supporter, your stability and love.

I don't think there is anything that you could do to persuade me otherwise.
I'm going to try to forget about the "what if" questions that will be going through my head over the next couple weeks, and concentrate on the "yes" comments I will be saying.

Monday, November 21, 2011

FindersKeepers.

I have decided that it's time to get back up... and by this I mean, believing that love is everything. Over the past little while, I have been constantly persuaded, purposefully or not, that love really is stupid and pointless. However, I do not want to continue with those types of thoughts. I much prefer to remember how wonderful it can make you feel, and how you sometimes will do anything for it. I used to think that, and it went away. I really hope to regain this sense of happiness and hopelessness.

Really, I am just throwing another into the pile of smelly, worn out, pieces of garbage of people that I definitely do not want. I'm okay with that.

(Great analogy coming right up.)

Because sometimes if you sift through enough garbage you find a treasure - something you cannot live without. Finders keepers. I hope the next person that comes along doesn't take this for granted, and they feel like they found something wonderful, and will do anything to keep it. I don't want to keep wasting my time with smelly, worn out pieces of garbage.

My life is too fabulous to let people bring me down to their level. 2011 has been a shit year, it really has. So here is to hoping that 2012 brings happiness, love and plenty of adventure. But most of all, someone who can keep up with my ever-changing attitude and lifestyle.

Cheers to starting fresh... again. :)

Monday, November 14, 2011

Thats a Wrap.

Sometimes the last thing you want comes in first... And sometimes the first thing you want never comes. I know waiting is all you can do sometimes...

I'm waiting with my heart wide open.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Final Verdict.

I just wanted to say that this will be my last post for a little while. I just want to focus on myself, and honesty i don't care to remember these feelings, nor do I want anyone knowing much about me.

When things turn around, and it's a time when every post is positive rather than negative, you can read about me again... But for now, I am out.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNN,

Holy geez son! I fuggin' love Breaking Bad. What a quality show... Finally watching the finale and it's pretty intense.

OHHHH MAN. I recommend watching - solid show. Basically like watching a movie. So good!!


That is all.

Milk.

Mmmmm... Nothing like a hot cup of milk to calm your nerves before sleep. Try it before you judge it.


I really think I need to plan a trip out west... Kath, you just made my week! Xxoxoxo I love you.

Monday, October 17, 2011

So Lost.

I have my phone interview tomorrow morning. I am absolutely thrilled.. Or I was. I wanted to study and make sure I nailed it.
Now I am lying in bed after seeing that movie. Good movie. Sad movie. A movie full of reminders of the things I lack in life - the support system I don't have, the things i have been through, the career set I don't have, and the significant other that isn't quite so significant. I have lost my motivation to study for this interview. I wish I was not so controlled by my emotions.

I just want a back rub, and fall asleep to someone singing to me. Alas. I am alone once again.

I think the fact my life sucks right now is greater than 50/50.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Spoiling Myself.

I bought a new couch this weekend. Not really that exciting, is it. However, it was the most giddy I had been in a while. I feel like I always have to be doing something or buying myself something to be content, even if it's always just temporary. I was looking forward to creating my own living space, decorating and organizing the way I wanted to. Now that its done I think to myself... What next? I need an ever-changing lifestyle to be content with my situation. I hate getting stuck in one spot and consistency. Consistency is boring. Of course we need some consistency, but I need to switch things up all the time. I think this is why a job that enables me to travel would be my ultimate dream job. I would love to write memoirs about the experiences I have all over the world. I tried writing my novel today but my keyboard is so messed up it still won't let me. Unless I want my entire novel to be the letter 'r' on repeat for 30,000 words. Not so much. I think deep down I want to be swept off my feet and live the life of a character from a romance novel.
I always thought I wanted to go into health care because I figured it was one of the few jobs that always keep you on your toes... I'm starting to realize that maybe I was meant for something different. I hope I figure out what it is before I run away to find it. I don't think it would be a temporary fix this time.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

End of the Rope.

I feel like I am on a tightrope hovering above the ground trying very hard to stay balanced. If I fall to the left, I could break bones and lose my passion to move forward. If I fall to the right, I could land uninjured but still feel unmotivated and empty.

If I could keep myself composed and focused, I could continue on my journey without looking back. I try to do this but the wind is so strong, it pushing me in all directions... Back, left, right and forward. Which way am I meant to go? I take another step and think of all the amazing things waiting for me at the end. I can't see it, but I know it's there. Happiness. Success. Love.

I want all these things so I close my eyes, take a deep breath and take another step forward.

I truly hope these things are really there and not an illusion of a life I was never meant to have.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Laughable Timing.

Ha, so I just got accepted to my program at Sheridan... "firm admit" it says.
Seems pretty suiting that it happens as soon as I don't have anyone to celebrate with...


Going to sleep instead. Oh wait, I have a bottle of wine! Celebratory night commences.
Nahh, definitely want to sleep more.

Turkey dump.

Remains true even after university. I may be sick to my stomach, broken finger and cut feet but I hope this means I can finally stop worrying that I was making a mistake by staying with someone who constantly lies and doesn't care about his loyalty to anyone but himself and his fetal alcohol syndrome girlfriend. Fuck you. Thank you for having absolutely no balls. Everything seems much better in theory.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Weird feeling.

I realized today how much I miss bartending. I think I just mostly miss working more with people I actually liked (for the most part). I need something more from this job.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Distraction.

I am playing cribbage hands in my head based on the time on the clock. I make 15s to occupy my mind. I'm over being upset, and used as an emotional punching bag.
I am going to sleep to the sound of my cat, whistling a random tune. There is a good chance I will trace the pillow beside me, but maybe not tonight. It is getting pretty late.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Sleeping.

I enjoy my daily naps.. Lately I have been enjoying them for a different reason... It is the only time in the day that I can completely disconnect from everything (shit) happening in my life.

I wish it was more than 45 minutes.

I am ready for my luck to change... Anytime...