I'm looking at the mirror on the wall, it seems to be unchanging. Every item in this room is moving slightly against other items so quickly we only know it in theory. I'm realizing my life seems to be the same everyday now that I have not worked in over a month. I feel like I am floating with my feet in the air, creeping from one day to the next. However, according to this physical theory (not sure the name) I am just an item moving slightly against other items. Although my life seems to be stopped, it is always changing, I just cannot see it.
This whole idea makes sense in my head, but my vocabulary may keep it from making sense out loud.
I hope I get this job - so I feel like I have a home base again. That I am not in fact living vicariously through others. Having my own apartment, having a job (even if I do not enjoy it as much as I should), my cat and my friends and family make me feel grounded. Comfort. I miss that. I feel so uncomfortable lately, and I just want my life to have some consistency again. Yes, I said it. Consistency can be good.
I need to be stimulated, mind stimulation that is, so I do not feel like my brain cells are being wasted on useless tasks that have no core value.
Maybe the truth is that I will never be satisfied with my situation, no matter where, who I am with, or what I am doing. Perhaps I am satisfied being unsatisfied. No, that is definitely not true. I hope I get this job so I can feel my feet on the ground again.
