Ready.

I think it's time to move on. I guess some people do this quicker than others. 

Jumping in with two feet. 

Lets see what happens. 

Yes, no.

It's decided- I'm not doing anything tomorrow. 

Yes I will sleep in.

Yes I will hang out in pjs.

Yes I will station myself on my couch.

Yes I will fart and relax.

Yes I will probably have a nap.

No, I will not leave my house or do anything exciting. I need a day off to do absolutely nothing. 

It's going to be heavenly. 

Only three more days of work until mini holiday. I cannot wait. 

Going to sleep exhausted from this week, but happy and excited for the week to come. 

Don't worry, that was the last time. 

Phases.

I have an issue with attention. I seem to lose interest in people, places and things on the regular. I may be infatuated with an idea and pour my heart and soul into it, only to lose interest the next day. 

I realize that many people my age have this issue- we are all just floundering about. 

This is a paradox. The things I want to be interested in, I am not. And the things I want desperately not to be interested in, I am drawn to. However, once I get looped in, the novelty loses its value very soon after. 

I think this idea goes further than "wanting what you can't have". It applies to every situation. My attention span is just low for everything. Or maybe I am interested in the excitement, and once I see that it's gone, I'm gone. The new and exciting wears off faster than it should, and I'm ready for the next person, place or thing. 

I guess that's why love is such a confusing complex. How can someone that is so inconsistent about every decision, be so delusional that they are determined to make a relationship work? It just doesn't make sense! 

I guess it takes a special person, place for thing to stick. Such as certain people that are consistent and can talk to everyday or my cat, my apartment and my car. 

This was just a blob of random thought that has been perplexing me on my day off. I guess I just go through phases... Or maybe I'm so lost because love was the only thing that keep me from spinning out of control. Now that its gone,I just don't know what to do with myself. 

I need some consistency. I'm too indecisive to be on my own. 

I hate this about myself. 

Even this post is inconsistent and jumps all over the place... And it's about inconsistency. Ugh. 

Lover.

There are some days that I don't have any idea what I'm doing.  Today is one of them. I'm looking back on today's events and I'm not sure what came over me. I'm battling with how I want to act around people and what I am ready for. It is a constant game of ping pong in my head. 

Sometimes I come off as forward, and I reflect later and think what the hell was I doing and maybe it was disappointing. Then there are other times when I stand behind the line of comfort and then reflect later whether I missed an opportunity. Either way it's hard to compare.

Everything keeps leading me back to being a hermit and away from anything that makes me battle invertly, and to get my shit together first. 

Alas, I am a lover, not a fighter, and a good (horny) one at that. 

Finally, a day off. 

Count is up at 6, eek. I look forward to the day I lose track. 

Cabana.

What? Cabana Pool Bar?

Justin Biebs was there today? And Deadmau5?

Well so was I. No big whoop.

However I was there last week too.. 

Get with the times Biebs. You're a little late on the "new, amazing pool bar in Toronto" wagon.

I'm ready to go back.

Now.

Now now now.

2.

I don't even know if this is the right thing to do anymore. 

I second guess my actions on a daily basis... I have to start over every time. 

It will get easier. 

Just a Thought.

Where are all the men ?

Maybe it's because I work in a restaurant and I don't meet a lot of older people, but I'm seriously not sure where all the real men are. 

I'm tired of being around irresponsible and sappy boys. Where are the guys that can show me a good time without all the stupid drama?

Ugh.

I'm not that mature, but for goodness sakes, grow up a bit. 

It's annoying... And tacky.

Maybe I'll just go celibate until someone actually wants to take me on a date because they are genuinely interested. It would be a loss for me, but would save me a lot of stupid conversation and irritation.

Interesting Article.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2176281/Generation-refuse-grow-No-mortgage-No-marriage-No-children-No-career-plan-Like-30-somethings-Marianne-Power-admits-shes-.html

My fear is not fear like so many others, my fear is that I am one of them too.

Summer Shenanigans.

 I never thought I would look so forward to a Tuesday. It's been the definition of summer today. My three day vacation started off exactly how I wanted. Stayed random all day.

Trespassed into an old flooded mine that looked like a quarry and relaxed and had a picnic. Pretended to be stealth and hid from security, and enjoyed the clear blue water for a while before being "kindly" asked to leave... Twice. 

Took the back roads home so we could enjoy the windows down and the hot temperatures. 

Went for Summerlicious downtown and ate delicious prime rib, but still left me craving for more.

Then went to Jacks for a birthday, which then turned into a late night of swimming in underwear at a pool with friends, poking fun at each other and enjoying the jets, in a more x-rated way. 

I could write more but I'm very tired. I looked good today and felt really good. Life can take some pretty unexpected turns. I think things are falling back into place. 

I can hardly keep my eyes op...

1

1.

One.

So strange. 

It's just the beginning. 

They're just going to keep adding up until I can't take it anymore. 

Beach day tomorrow.  

V. Excited. 

Shakespeare.

He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man; and he that is more than a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a man, I am not for him.

           (II.i.28–32)

Biggest Adventure.

Well. It all started at work. Where we played games for 3 hours before getting sent home. Had no gas so decided to sit tight at home. Got dinner brought to me and ate like it was the apocalypse. 

Last night and today was definitely the most exciting adventure I've had in my own apartment. 

Just got power back an hour ago. My area got hit the hardest.

Lived the simple life for almost an entire day without computer, phone or any type of electronic item. Plus, no food in my entire fridge or freezer and burnt out almost all the candles I had lying around. It was actually quite romantic of a situation. Peace and quiet.

Flooding in the entire first floor of the building and up to the second floor. Luckily my apartment was untouched. It felt a little like a horror film once my phone died and no flashlight. But hey, could've been worse. I actually had fun. Almost a little disappointed that the power is back on. 

I shall remember this blackout fondly.

 On a separate note, thinking of buying myself a new iMac. I have no money but hey, life could be worse.

Fairytales.

People have asked me why I haven't been writing lately, and the truth of the matter is that I didn't want to write about how happy I was because I knew deep down it wasn't going to be permanent. I've had some pretty lovely moments and fun times, but it was all temporary. It has left me feeling low and depressed. Ever since my birthday, things have gone down hill. Life is never a fairytale even when you're so happy it feels like it is.

I've always been a believer that things work out if they are meant to. I'm just tired of trying so hard to convince people that I'm worth the time. I guess I am not. It's been rubbed in my face numerous times in the last couple weeks. 

Fairytales are not fairytales without the knight in shining armour.