Big day.

Tomorrow has the potential to be a big day. I've been waiting for it for months. Crossing my fingers that life hands me sweet sweet strawberries. 

Would be the icing on my delicious cupcake of a life. 

Okay enough metaphors. 

One month until holidays!

Can't wait. 

Life is good. 

One can hope, dream and pray that something will become a reality... but the truth of the matter is that timing determines everything. Every time. 

It was never meant to be. 

Cause I'm gonna be free and I'm gonna be fine

Maybe not tonight 

Tears.

People always say that they're busy. But working 40 hours a week isn't exactly a long week. It's below average. 

I just finished day 15 in a row. Maybe that's not very much for some, but it was a lot of a "working mindset". Day after day.

My point is that even after 15 days in a row, I was driving to work and started to tear up. Not because of exhaustion, but from a moment of clarity. Today I realized that I still have the mindset to do anything I put my mind to, and that I'm going to be okay. Life is beautiful, and I am truly blessed for everything I have. It's been a rough few months, but today I was crying from joy. I had many thoughts that this transition was going to destroy what what left of my heart and mind, it didn't. While I was driving, it just dawned on me that everything is going to be okay! I'm so thankful for today, and the opportunity of starting over. Thankful that it is summer again, and that I have so many fun activities to look forward to. I can blast music in my car with the windows down. My ears ring because my music is so loud. I don't care that I don't have a/c, because I throw my left arm into the wind and breathe in the air. Thankful for meeting new people, and reconnecting with people that I've lost touch with. Having a few drinks and doing silly things. Summer brings out the child in me. The hopeful child. 

If I had the chance to go back and change things, I would. Certain elements that were more harm than good. But realistically, it's not possible. And I wouldn't be here, right now, sitting outside enjoying the sunshine , feeling blissful , if it wasn't for every moment leading up to this one. 

Getting tired.

Going onto day 9 of 15 in a row . 

Why do I do this to myself? 

Oh wait, the answer is kind of depressing. 

Today is not a friendly reminder.

Love your mother. 

They won't be here forever. 

Moods.

Then there are those beautiful days when I feel sad. 

I'm not sure why. 

Change is good.

I'm always amazed how quickly life can turn around. As they say, you gota work with what you got. 

What I got, is pretty amazing. 

Perspective is a life changer. 

Feeling blessed today. 

Maybe I'll become a believe again sooner than I thought. 

Truth.

Her mistake had been to put her life on hold while waiting for a man. That's what she had to change. She would learn to be happy on her own. She was smart, and wasn't afraid to work hard. This was the only life she had, and she'd better make the best of it. 

Truth.

Her own loneliness and emotional hunger had allowed her to believe that a handsome , very selfish man was really a charming gentleman in disguise. 

Equilibrium.

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly life goes back to normal, equilibrium. Especially after an event i thought would devastate me for a long time. Sometimes it feels so normal, so fast, that I second guess that the event ever happened. Is that weird? Or do I continue to live in some fantasy world? I can't decide if that is a naive ideal or a mature one. Very conflicting. 

Maybe my heart is finally realizing what my head had aware of for a while. My heart just didn't want to listen. 

Everything happens for a reason, and I feel more content with my life now than I have been in a long time.

I wouldn't have guessed it.

Why does there always have to be one piece missing? Is there ever a time when someone truly has every piece of their life puzzle? 

Deal.

I have come to the conclusion that I need to be more active.

I'm writing this because I want to legitimize my interest to the world.

I'm going to start P90X tomorrow afternoon and follow the regime for the next few weeks. With a new job comes more opportunity for growth, in and out of the workplace . 

I want to be the best I can be. 

I feel the changes approaching and it's really exciting. 

No more.

There have been many times in my life when I've felt that I'm not made for serious relationships . 

There's always that moment. That point. 

It's undeniable and I can't take it back. 

When things are wonderful, and in that moment, that point, the relationship changes forever. It goes downhill. Slowly. Until the toxicity is so unbearable that the relationship has no way to build back up again. Even when I believe it could be "the" relationship, the "last" relationship, the "one" relationship, I screw it up. I push you away, so far, there's no going back. I feel like I really screwed this one up, and I know, in my heart, that there is nothing I can do to fix it.

It's completely broken. 

It makes me uneasy when I think about my future. I really thought he would be my knight in shining armour. The one that I wrote a novel about, so I would never forget our fairy tale.

Now, I can't look at anything without the reminder that life can change in a New York minute, and I'm all alone. 

And lastly reminded that fairy tales do not come true. 

All over now

Summer .

I've finally gotten used to being in a town of 760, in the middle of the green mountains. So has Madi. 

Time has started to go faster, and I've been able to relax. I've lost the resentment and actually like the quiet. 

Unfortunately, I sprained my wrist waterskiing so I haven't been able to do that for the past couple days. It's finally starting to feel better. I've only been waterskiing 4 times, fell only once, got up every single time, and am going to try one ski this week.#natural

Mason has finally been approved to take the long weekend off, so we are officially able to go back to Osheaga this year! Months and months ago, we were given the opportunity to sell our story to the press, but we decided that our story is for us, and not for the world to know. So because of this, we still had to buy our tickets this year. But we are getting ready to go all out. 

I miss my apartment, but other than that, it's going to be hard returning to toronto. I got some time still, but it's going to go so fast... Then back to long distance.

Focusing on the positives : life is great, Madi is a happy kitty, I get to sleep in everyday, I'm tan, and I'm getting in much better shape. 

Can't complain . 

27.

My day yesterday may have started with me in tears, but slowly turned into a fun and happy day spent with someone who loves me. 

Madi decided to go on a little "kitty vacation", as Mason liked to call it, by jumping out of our second storey bathroom window. I was absolutely amazed that she was able to do that, and chose to do that considering her timid nature. She may have fell out, who knows. 

We spent the first few hours of the morning looking for her through the woods, since we are completely surrounded by the outdoors. His dad came over to help, and then his mom. Coming from a family who has five (!!) animals, they were very concerned. 

I was quite upset, so Mason gave me (another) birthday present (very spoiled this year) and made me pancakes. His mom came over all flustered and excited saying that "I think I saw her in the trees!! Come quick come quick!!". Forgetting to shut off the oven, we both ran out in search only to find that it was another grey cat. False alarm. 

Went back to the house and the bacon was completely burnt. Oops. 

During breakfast, we received a call that his parents set up a couples spa day for us, partially for my birthday, partially because they felt bad about my kitty missing. It included full use of the spa, lunch, drinks, 65 minute massages, and champagne. We ended up staying in our robes just hanging out for 5 hours. 

At the end of our massages, I got a message from the receptionist that Masons mom had found Madi! We had left the doors open, just in case, and when his mom came to check up, she was found huddled under our bed. In one piece, safe and sound. 

We were both so relieved. 

After that, we were able to relax. I got all dressed up for dinner and we went out. To a couple bars first and then for dinner. It was supposed to be a terribly rainy day (like it is right now), but by the time we left the spa, it was beautiful. We ate dinner on a little patio with jazz over the radio and elephants on our wine bottle. And of course, chocolate for dessert. 

All in all, it was a beautiful day. I may be getting older, but it was the perfect way to make me forget. 

Lastly: most exciting part was coming home to find kitty waiting for us, and smothering her with love. 

The Beginning.

They went for a stroll down Church street, drinking strawberry lemonades and holding hands. The small shops and cafés were bustling with customers on their lunch breaks. Laughter breaking out all around. It was supposed to be a rainy, dreary day, but the sky had opened up and sun shined brightly, illuminating the cobble stone walkways. There was a three piece band on one corner, and a young violinist on another. People were standing and listening intently to the beautiful music, filling their ears with classical tunes. 

Together they picked out new outfits for their evening out. Hers consisted of a short floral dress that flowed softly around my knees, his was new khaki shorts and a freshly pressed white collared shirt. They complimented each other so well. 

They weren't sure where to set up shop for dinner, but she wanted to sit on a patio and drink wine. Leurig's Bistro was one of the best places in town for food and wine selection, and they got one of the last tables on their patio that extended into the square. The wait staff wore bow ties and vests, giving their ambiance a classy but comfortable feel.  It reminded her a lot of Montreal or any European city. 

They sat and drank wine, listening to the violinist that was playing next to them, thinking that he was playing specifically for them. The evening was perfect. 

Meals were packed up, and they raced back to the car in hopes of catching one of her favourite bands play at a local venue. Once they parked, she wanted to go ahead and get tickets, but he was taking his time, texting on his phone. He said he forgot his wallet in the car, and instead of waiting for him, she ran up to the box office in hopes for tickets to the sold out show of Fitz and the Tantrums. The woman behind the glass shook her head and explained that she was the luckiest girl because they just opened up the last two tickets to the show. Without hesitation, she buys the tickets brimming with excitement. She darted out quickly to find him, desperate to share the good news. "I got tickets!" She said running up to him and kissing his face. He pulled away and seemed slightly aggravated. 

He had gotten her tickets for her birthday. Turned out that it was all set up days before, his family playing along. 

Great surprise. Great day.

Great boyfriend. "I want to give you everything that you could ever want"

Latching on.

People say that fairy tales don't exist, and neither do coincidences.

However.

Last night at Skrillex dub step concert, I turned around to tell my boyfriend that I loved him, and when I did, Skrillex started playing our song Latch by Disclosure (remix obvi) and our hearts melted and we started singing along. 

What a moment.

What a day!! Dropping $400 in a day on activities and fun ? No big deal. 

Some things are worth giving up everything for. 

8 days and I will no longer be in Canada. 

Potentially

Life 

Altering 

Decisions

Ahead 

*stressed*

Boom.

Life comes at you fast . 

My future has just become very unclear. I hope this doesn't cost me someone that I care about. I'm feeling a little pessimistic. 

Just need to let it perk, I've been told.

Let it perk...