I really miss sleep. Over the last week, I've had so much on my mind. Planning, finances, work, people... It's getting a little overwhelming. I just need to get through the next 6 days.
I'll see you again soon sleep. I will... Can't wait.

I wish I wasn't so weak. When did I become so vulnerable?

There are some days, including today, that I wish I was mute and not able to speak a word. Words are a strong thing, and I don't think I should have the permission to use them.

As much as I try to improve myself, I cannot wrap my head around thinking before saying.

Another person who I thought I knew chose to walk away from me today. To make matters worse , they didn't even respect me enough to tell me why. Instead they pretend I don't exist. I'm so incredibly confused. Why does this keep happening?

All the people that have claimed to love me, friends and family always find a way to close me out and forget about my existence.
What am I to do with that?

Love is something everyone just craves
Even if you loved and lost, and shed so many tears and have vowed to never do it again
You can't deny the fact that everyone loves love

Fear

PWhy are my moments of happiness fleeting and my moments of sadness feel endless? 

Am I just kidding myself that I could, someday, be happy? 

What a facade I create. 

It feels like I am reliving a bad dream, but I know this is life, and I will not wake up to something different. 

How does one learn to appreciate the highs and learn to conquer the devastating lows? 

My biggest fear is for this to continue being my biggest fault, and that it may destroy everything I try to build and, in turn, destroy me.

Paths

I passed you on the street today. Not long ago, our paths wrapped around each other. Now, we are traveling in two different directions, further and further away from what was, and what could have been. 

It is all becoming a distance memory now. 

Ideal.

To feel...

Loved (my other half)

Respected (best friend)

Desired (lover)

A combination of qualities difficult to find. 

I hope I do someday. 

Another one bites the dust.

I don't think I'll ever get this right. 

Question.

I have a new puzzle, it's 1000s of pieces. I want to put it together and see the perfectness I've created. I'm patient so I don't mind if it takes a while. However, I accidentally drop the box on the floor before I start. 

Shoot. 

I scramble on my knees to ensure I don't miss anything, I want it to be complete. It takes a lot of hard work and time for perfection. 

I get off my knees and start putting it together, turning pieces to ensure they fit together correctly. Sometimes it takes a few attempts for them to fit. 

I'm so close, I'm almost there, when I notice- uh oh ... I'm missing one final piece. It is a very valuable piece, one the puzzle cannot be complete without. I go on my knees again, and look so hard for the missing piece, but it cannot be found. 

Question.

Is it still complete without a fundamental piece? Or am I going to have an issue with the puzzle not being complete. 

As bad as it sounds, sometimes talking about another's situation makes you greatful for your own.

It could always be worse. Sure. But I do have it pretty great. Recognizing it makes all the difference. 

Dark and gloomy.

Writing has always been an outlet for my thoughts, a window into my mind. However, I have not been writing at all, and I feel like I want to scream everyday. 

Today I feel like I'll never get it right; that my mind is too dark to let light in. It gets very lonely, even when I'm not alone. 

Today I feel like I'm the girl your friends tell you to shy away from, but you're too blind to see it yourself. Until, of course, I push you so far away, you have no choice but to see the true shade of darkness. 

Today I feel like I need to take three steps back, focus on something that i have been looking forward to, and then maybe i will be able to take an honest step forward. 

I hope it doesn't all come crashing down, but who wants dark and gloomy when they could have simple and beautiful ? 

Smiles

You fall asleep so easily . Sometimes snoring sometimes not. You're at peace. 

I can't help but smile. You're modest , and amazing. You have absolutely no idea how long I've waited to feel like this . So content and so happy listening to you snore, twitch and grind your teeth in your sleep. 

It's a beautiful feeling being wrapped in your beautiful life. 

How did I get so lucky ? 

Fear.

One of my biggest fears is to be trapped in a train or subway or elevator for an extended amount of time filled with all males as the only female. 

I wonder how animalistic and desperate men would get in that type of circumstance. 

Obviously I hope I never find out.

Just a thought.

Woot.

I haven't been this excited about a show since the summertime. 

This Saturday. 

Disclosure. 

It's going to be very interesting... 

No idea what to expect. But I'm very excited and intrigued. 

"Lovin" is simple when you're simply "in love".

Can't believe I missed out on Madonna... Such a sad day. 

Speaking of Madonna, I'm worried about my kitten. She may have asthma.. Scared to take her to the vet. Say a prayer for Madi. I hope she'll be okay...

Ill Prepared.

Nothing could have prepared me for this.

This life.

This reality that I live.

Right now.

Life is a beautiful thing, especially now that you are around me. Never would I have guessed that I would be so lucky. 

Now I am here, traveling the world with you, holding your hand. 

I never want to let go. 

When I tell you I'm happy, your reply was that you wanted to make me the happiest. 

How did I get so lucky? 

I thought that making a decision would give me some clarity , but I'm way more confused and overwhelmed than before. 

I have no idea what I'm doing.