Random Awesomeness.

I used to be funny. I used to joke around all the time and be an idiot because that's what I did best.

I was calm, collected and cool. And stupid.

A witty titty as I used to call myself.

What hawppened?

Instead, I grew up a bit and stopped joking endlessly. I stopped putting myself in compromising situations and stopped writing about them. Very unfortunate for anyone that has known me for a while and knew what a treat I used to be.

I used to be "the coolest girl I've ever met" and "I wish my girlfriend was like you" and "how can I be more like you" friend. Okay, maybe the last part isn't true, but I have been told the others.

I think it's because I call people out on their shit (even if it's judgmental) , I don't act fake (except on purpose) and tell people the truth (unless they are annoying). 

OHHHH..
So that explains why I have more guy friends! - because they can handle my confidence (or rudeness).
  (less girl friends because they take me as a threat or just a bitch. Definitely the ladder.)

I think I have been hiding behind my "grown up" side, and less focused on the fun asshole I used to be. Risky, spontaneous, stupid. The one that encouraged you to do stupid things with me - especially sexual things in very public places, just to make you uncomfortable. I take pride in people's uncomfort (<<-- not a word, but I'm using it). Life is much more fun when you're not serious about it.

A perfect example is when people have sex while skydiving.
I haven't done this...
Yet.

I actually don't think it's legal and may be considered public indecency. I would take that risk.
This is something I would push you into doing, or push you out of (the airplane) in this case.

Going out with a bang while banging.
Epic.

I've procrastinated all day. This, plus reading sarcastic blogger's makes me like this.
My apologies for the randomness....

(Or awesomeness to some).

Wondering.

Hmm.

I'm trying to figure out the true reason why I didn't go for the interview last week. It has been pulling on me ever since.
I definitely think there are numerous reasons that come into play why it was a good and bad idea. However I think this picture sums up what I was thinking deep down.

Have I really changed that much? I never used to be the person who closed off new opportunities - I used to jump in front of them and not take no for an answer. I feel like I was right all along and these 9-5 jobs are life suckers and ruiners. Maybe serving wasn't the most rewarding job on the face of the planet, but I had the thing that I am realizing means more to me than the rest - time.
Time to sleep in, time to go on holidays (even if I wasn't paid), time to sit by the pool or water for the afternoon.
I was not counting down the days until I have a day off.
I miss the good ol' days of making a ton of money, having a good time and doing whatever I wanted. If I wanted to go skydiving, I didn't have to save up for 2 months. If I wanted to go on a trip I didn't have to worry about opening a savings account so I could afford it 6 months from now.
I went to work, and made cash dollars. If I wanted to go skydiving it was one Friday night. If I wanted to go on a trip, I didn't get discounts but only took a couple weeks to save up. If I wanted to spoil myself and buy myself something I didn't need, I COULD.

Sigh.

I wish I could be a student forever. Fuck real people jobs- they suck.

I'm really tired of being the fool every time.

Wall.

I'm looking at my wall which says "love conquers all" across it.
Hmm. Does it? Does it really? We don't live 50 years back when love really could conquer all. Soulmates was a term people didn't scoff at - they believed. No second guessing, no questions.

It just was fact.
What happened?

When did the times change from courting to dating with games? I really do feel that I want the simple kind from back before I was born because I know that is the type that lasts.

I'm going to go to bed thinking about whether love truly conquers all in our society today, or if it is now just a fantasy.





Love can fade and can completely go away. Usually it never reaches the same heights again. Why do people choose to take this risk when you have it right the first time?

Waiting.

I have been watching sad and romantic movies to make myself cry. No matter what, I cannot make myself do it.
I feel like its the right thing to do in these situations, but this time around I can't do it.

I guess I'm not losing anything.